Bart Simpson quotes from The Simpsons

Bart

That's Angry Dad, the semi-autobiographical web cartoon I created.

Homer

I legally forced him to say "semi".

Bart

Hey Homer, how would you like to be the voice of Angry Dad?

Homer

It would be an HONOR!!!

Bart

[laughing hysterically] Quit it! [The audience starts laughing at Bart] Knock it off! Stop it! Dad, this isn't funny! [Bart pees his pants and Homer stops tickling Bart]

Sideshow Mel

[pointing at the Jumbotron with his stadium cheering glove] The child has wetted his trousers! [The audience burst out laughing]

Bart

[holding his crotch embarrassed] Dad, how could you do that? The whole audience saw me pee my pants!

Homer

Son, I'm really, really sorry.

Bart Simpson

Precious, is that you?

Homer Simpson

Yes Mama.

Bart Simpson

You think you're so pretty, where's my Lotto Ticket?!

Homer Simpson

I forgot, Mama.

Lisa

Initiate Phase 2.

Bart

I forgot what Phase 2 is, but I'll assume we just dump the peaches like we discussed.

Lisa

Affirmative.

Bart

I'll assume that means "yes".

Lisa

Roger.

Bart

The name's Bart.

I can see why they call you the "Great Simpsina".

Lisa

My friends call me Lisa.

Bart

She has no friends.

Lisa

Shut up!

Lisa

Bart, I haven't been selling the truffles. I have been eating them.

Bart

Really? Why?

Lisa

Vegetarian food is so boring! Pasta! Soy! You know what's a bad pizza topping? Broccoli!

Marge

Now, which is our room again?

Bart

You know. It had that painting of that lady and that monster on the ceiling.

Marge

That was a mirror!

Lisa

Why would a popular fifth grader like Taffy be interested in a Milhouse like Milhouse?

Bart

I dunno. It's one of those mysteries, like how do my clothes get clean, and put back in my drawers?

Lisa

Taffy's up to something, and I won't find out what it is sitting on a computer. It's time to get boots on the ground! [cut to Lisa putting flower-patterned boots to her feet] [sweetly] You like my boots?

Bart

Once you get past the sister ick, they're fine.

Lisa

What's this key with the plastic skull for?

Bart

That's for my box with the real skull.

Chalmers

Skinner! When I say "drive us to Bolivia", that is your cue to start the damn car!

Skinner

I can't find the key.

Bart

Looking for something?

Skinner

Yes! My car key.

Bart

Does it look like this? [shows that he got Skinner's car key]

Skinner

Yes. Quite a bit.

Chalmers

He's got your key, Seymour.

Lisa

Actually, I do have a speech prepared.

Skinner

Excellent, Lisa. Freeplay cancelled.

Aww.

Bart

No one cancels my freeplay.

Bart

Sorry, man.

It's OK, thanks for making me part of the revolution.

Lisa

[After seeing Bart locking a door.] Bart, what are you doing?

Bart

Taking over the school. With all the kids inside.

Lisa

What?! I'm telling mom!

Bart

Great, you can call her from the closet phone. [Locks Lisa in the closet.]

Lisa

[offscreen] Hello, mom? You won't believe what Bart's doing.

Bart

There really is a phone in there? [Bart opens the closet door, revealing that Lisa was faking. Lisa sticks her tongue at Bart. Bart locks the closet again.] So immature.

Bart

Traitor! How dare you betray the planet I got laid on?

Chalmers

There they are! Lets fry these calamari and serve them in a dipping sauce made from their own blood!

Skinner

But why?!

Chalmers

Well, it's not so bad.

Skinner

Well, it's a little.