Bart Simpson quotes from The Simpsons

Bart

Are you sure this will work?

Hey, this is the DVD my parents used to make me.

Bart

So it kind of works.

Bart

That's it, boy! Go for the 'nards!

Lisa

Bart! [snatches Larry away] If you're not gonna take care of him right, then give him to me.

Bart

How come you don't get mad when I torment real animals?

Lisa

I do! It enrages me!

Bart

I thought you Hindus were supposed to love everybody.

Lisa

I'M A FREAKIN' BUDDHIST! A BUDDHIST! [kicks the side table]

Bart

Poor Krusty. He's become the lowest form of life: a sidekick.

You said it, Bart! Way to sum up the situation!

Bart

Take it easy, little buddy.

That's exactly how I'll take it!

Lisa

What is this, tough love?

Bart

It's a little more like "soft hate".

Homer

Credit card offer, overdue bill, credit card offer, overdue bill. Huh? What's this? [opens a envelope] What the--?! [angry] You're a month behind on homework?!

Bart

I tried really hard to stop you from finding out. Does that help?

Homer

[still angry] A LITTLE!

Bart

[watching a Pokémon-like show on TV] Wow, how does this show stay so fresh?

Homer

[angrily enters Bart's room] Hey! You're supposed to be doing your homework! No more TV for you! [tries to take the TV off Bart's desk but fails miserably, so he grabs a pen and scribbles on the screen] Until your homework is done, the only place your butt is safe from my foot is in that chair. [leaves]

Bart

Oh.

Marge

[sneaking in] It's okay, Bart. Just do a couple vocabulary words, then come have some milk and cookies.

Bart

But Dad said I had to finish my--

Marge

Never mind what he said. You just listen to me. [leaves]

Lisa

You would mess up Mom and Dad's marriage just to get out of doing some homework?

Bart

Hey, hey! I would end all life on this planet just to get out of doing fractions!

Lisa

Fractions aren't that hard. You just have to find a common denominator. For example, one half plus one third equals three--

Bart

END! ALL! LIFE! ON! THIS! PLANET! [makes explosion noise and leaves]

Lisa

You'll need to know fractions to make that explosion!

Bart

[from offscreen] I don't care!

Lisa

You are now officially a sociopath.

Bart

Hey, at least I'm on a path.

Marge

Mister, you are grounded.

Homer

And no TV.

Marge

And I'm taking all the exciting colors out of your crayons.

Homer

And when you're out of my sight, you must constantly Twitter me exactly what you're up to! Even though I don't know what Twitter is and have no desire to find out!

Bart

Ah, you guys are the meanest parents ever. [he hugs Homer and Marge] Thank you.

Bart

Um, this is the last seat, so...

Nikki

My side, your side.

Bart

[looks at Nikki's pink pencil case with her name on it] Hi, Nikki. I'm Bart. This situation, it's nuts, right? Oh, look at you-- opening a book so you won't have to talk to me. I'm just gonna be tuning up the old armpit. [Bart blows his pitch pipe and does armpit fart sounds. Nikki slightly smiles.]

Bart

Oh, man, you girls ruin everything-- even vampires.

Nikki

Hey, vampires are cool outsiders who love girls who hate cheerleaders.

Bart

No, they're all about chomping neck. And they don't put product in their hair like this loser. [Draws a picture of a vampire holding a tommy gun and an alien's decapitated head]

Bart

They look like this. [Shows the picture he drew]

Nikki

[amazed] Awesome picture.

Bart

Can I draw a robot barfing screws on your arm with my Sharpie?

Nikki

I... I'd like that. [Nikki pulls up her sleeve, so Bart can draw a robot barfing screws on her right arm. He laughs while doing so and writes his name on the bottom.]

Bart

And... finished.

Bart

But I need to talk about man stuff!

Homer

Talk to Grampa, he used to be a man!

Bart

He did?

Bart

It's not my fault, Grampa told me to kiss her!

Marge

[scoffs] Why didn't you just tell him to club her on her head and drag her into a cave?

Grampa

You mean second base? Whoa, he's a little young for that.

Bart

Well, if I talk to Nikki, I'm sure I can--

Homer

No! If you go near her one more time, we'll be sued into the poorhouse and have to eat garbage forever!

Bart

That's no problem, Mom can make garbage taste great.

Marge

[genuinely touched, hugging him] Thank you!

Bart

Well, I mean it.

Marge

And it means the world to me.

Nikki

Oh, Bart, I hate to see you like this. [She kisses Bart on the lips] Aw, look who's all confused.

Bart

Huh?

Bart

What the hell are you doing?!

Nikki

I'm kissing you, stupid.

Bart

You're the biggest psycho I ever met!

Nikki

You wanna stop?

Bart

Absolutely not.

Lisa

[about Flanders] I think he's trying to get Dad into Heaven.

Bart

Great, more Hell for me!