BLBart & Lisa
Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
BLBart & Lisa
Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
BLBart & Lisa
Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
BLBart & Lisa
Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
BLBart & Lisa
Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
BLBart & Lisa
Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
BLBart & Lisa
Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
BLBart & Lisa
Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
BLBart & Lisa
Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
BLBart & Lisa
Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
No! No! No! NOOO! If I take you, will you two shut up and QUIT BUGGING ME?!
BartWell?
BLBart & Lisa
Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
BLBart & Lisa
Thanks, dad!
[Homer and Bart are up in the attic looking for Homer's exercise equipment. Bart comes across a stack of old paintings of Ringo Starr]
Bart
Hey, who's the mop-top with the big schnoz?
Don't you know anything, boy? That's Ringo Starr. [Notices Marge's signature in the bottom corner] Hey. Your mother must have painted this. I guess she thought he was kind of cute. [Flipping through the stack of paintings including one of Ringo without a shirt and another of Marge and Ringo getting married] What?? Hey! What the--? MARGE!
Now Homer, don't be jealous. I was a schoolgirl, The Beatles were very popular and I had a crush on them.
[Muttering to himself] A likely story..
[Marge accidentally walks in on Mr. Burns naked in the bathroom]
[grabbing a towel from Smithers] If you'll excuse me, I'm changing for a board meeting.
[closes the door] I'm so sorry Mr. Burns.
Bart
Hey mom, did he have those hideous spots all over his body?
[Burns pokes his head through the door]
I heard that! [closes the door]
Bart
Uh oh!
Would you be more comfortable if I left too, sir?
Of course not Smithers, you're...you're like a doctor.
Bart
And here's comes Snowball II. This is the one we kept.
Bart
We were gonna keep the grey one, but the mother ate her.
Mrs. Krabappel, he's traumatizing the children!
As usual, I agree with you, Martin. Bart, shut that off and take your seat immediately!
Bart
Oh look, this is really cool. When I hit reverse, I can make 'em go back in!
[Homer is explaining to Bart in his room about his drunken behavior]
About last night. You might have noticed Daddy acting a little strange and you probably don't understand why.
Bart
I understand why. You were wasted.
I admit it. I didn't know when to say "when." I'm sorry it happened and I just hope you didn't lose a lot of respect for me.
Bart
Dad, I have as much respect for you as I ever did or ever will.
Bart
[grumbles] Moon pies my butt, somebody oughtta moon pie her.
Bart
I've been bustin my hump all week for that withered old clam and all I got was 50 cents.
Hey, when I was your age 50 cents was a lot of money.
Bart
Really?
Bart
Dad, I've done everything I could and I've only got 35 bucks! Ughh! I am through with working, working is for chumps.
[sits up, pats Bart's head] Son, I'm proud of you. I was twice your age before I figured that out.
Bart
[about Homer's insulting letter to Mr Burns] The last place I saw it...
Bart
Was in my hand...
Bart': As I was shoving it into the mailbox.
[shouting] D'OOOOOOOOH!!! [upset] Why did you do that?!
Bart
Dad, there were things in the letter that had to be said. And I know you, you're an emotional guy. Just because you were mad last night, there's no guarantee you'd be mad in the morning, so I figured-
[turns red with anger] I'LL SHOW YOU "MAD IN THE MORNING"! [starts strangling Bart]
Homer, you encouraged him! You should be strangling yourself!
[sobbing as he tries] She's right! Don't panic. They don't pick up the mail till noon. There's still time! [yanks Bart away]
[After the Simpsons receive a large idol head of Xtapolapocetl, the Olmec god of war, as a reward from Burns]
The moral of this story is a good deed is its own reward.
Bart
Hey, we got a reward. The head is cool!
Well then...I guess the moral is no good deed goes unrewarded.
Wait a minute! If I hadn't written that nasty letter, we wouldn't have gotten anything!
Well...then I guess the moral is the squeaky wheel gets the grease.
Perhaps there is no moral to this story.
Exactly! It's just a bunch of stuff that happened.
But it certainly was a memorable few days.
[The family laughs]
Who stole my shirt? Who stole my shirt?
Oh, thank you Marge. [sees his shirt turned pink] Aaaah! Pink? Marge, I can't wear a pink shirt to work. Everybody wears white shirts. I'm not popular enough to be different.
[comforts Homer] Now Homer don't panic, you have plenty of white shirts.
[grabs all of his pink shirts] Oh gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, oh no pink? pink? Pink! [sobs] It's all over, Marge! It's all over!
I don't know how this could have happened?
Bart
[grabs his red hat] Ah, my lucky red hat. Clean as a whistle.
[turns red with anger] You! YOU DID THIS TO ME! [furiously grabs Bart by the neck and angrily strangles him]
Bart
I... apologize!
[stops Homer from strangling Bart] Oh, please. No one's going to notice if you wear a pink shirt to work.
Bart
Hey, Dad. Do you hear voices?
[annoyed] Yes, I'm hearing one now, though I'm trying to watch TV.
Bart
[checks] Yes. Are you quick to anger?
[angrily and raises his fist] Bart, shut up or I'll shut you up!
Bart
Yes. Do you wet your pants? Even the best of us has an occasional accident.
[The next morning, Bart and "Michael" push the piano into Lisa's bedroom while she's sleeping]
BBart and "Michael"
[Quietly] Lisa? Lisa! Lisa! [Bart pinches her nose and she wakes up]
Bart
That's right! Hope you like your present! [He dumps trash out of her wastebasket, puts on his red cap, and turns to "Michael," sitting at the piano] And a one! And a two! And a one, two, three, four! [He taps the bottom of the wastebasket like a bongo drum]
?"Michael"
[Singing] Lisa, it's your birthday. God bless you this day. You gave me the gift of a little sister and I'm proud of you today.
BBart and "Michael"
Lisa, it's your birthday! Happy birthday, Lisa! Lisa, it's your birthday! Happy birthday, Lisa!
?"Michael"
I wish you love and goodwill. I wish you praise and joy!
Bart
I wish you better than your heart's desires...
?"Michael"
And your first kiss from a boy.
BBart and "Michael"
[As Homer, Marge, and Maggie come into the room] Lisa, it's your birthday! Happy birthday, Lisa! Lisa, it's your birthday! Happy birthday, Lisa!
Bart
Yeah!
Oh! This is the best present I ever got! [Hugs Bart] Thank you, Bart! Thank you, Michael!
LKLeon Kompowsky
[In his real voice] Well, my work here is done.
Bart
Hey, Michael! What happened to your voice?
LLeon
This is my real voice. My name is Leon Kompowsky and I'm a bricklayer from Paterson, New Jersey. All my life, I was very angry. Till one day, I just... [In Michael Jackson's voice] ...talked like this. [Normal voice] All of a sudden, everybody was smilin' at me and I was only doin' good on this earth. So I kept on doing it. To make a tired point, which one of us is truly crazy?
Not me! I've got this! [Shows his certificate, reading "Not insane"]
So, Bart. What did you learn in karate school today?
Yeah, come on, boy, this better be worth my ten bucks.
Bart
Uh... I learned the Touch of Death.
Bart
Permit me to demonstrate. Lisa, shut your eyes. Soon you will be at peace.
Hey, quit it, Bart. Quit it. Hey. Quit it! Quit it! Quit it! Mom!!
Bart, don't use the Touch of Death on your sister.
What do you know? The kid's though.
I wonder if he is lucky also. Pick a horse, kid. Shelbyville Downs, third race. Make it a good one.
Bart
Eat my shorts!
Eat My Shorts? Ah, okay... [consults the racing form] Let's see... Wait a minute, you little punk! Eat My Shorts is in the fifth race! I said the third race!
Bart
Don't have a cow!
[to a fellow crony] Don't Have a Cow in the third, put a deuce on him.
The Simpsons · 3,477 quotes
