[Writing her letter of disownment to Bart for forgetting her birthday] "Dear Bart, I am using the stationery Mom and Dad gave me for my birthday to inform you that we are now brother and sister in name only. Perhaps if a professional so advises, I will give you a hug at some far-distant family reunion. But rest assured, it will be purely for show. [Sobs]
“Stark Raving Dad” · Season 3
In this episode: Homer Simpson (4), Bart Simpson (3), Lisa Simpson (2), Marge Simpson (1), Mr. Burns (1), Waylon Smithers (1)
Who stole my shirt? Who stole my shirt?
I washed it.
Oh, thank you Marge. [sees his shirt turned pink] Aaaah! Pink? Marge, I can't wear a pink shirt to work. Everybody wears white shirts. I'm not popular enough to be different.
[comforts Homer] Now Homer don't panic, you have plenty of white shirts.
[grabs all of his pink shirts] Oh gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, oh no pink? pink? Pink! [sobs] It's all over, Marge! It's all over!
I don't know how this could have happened?
[grabs his red hat] Ah, my lucky red hat. Clean as a whistle.
[turns red with anger] You! YOU DID THIS TO ME! [furiously grabs Bart by the neck and angrily strangles him]
I... apologize!
[stops Homer from strangling Bart] Oh, please. No one's going to notice if you wear a pink shirt to work.
Why is that man in pink?!
Oh, that's Homer Simpson, sir. He's one of your boobs from Sector 7-G.
Simpson, eh? Well, judging by his outlandish attire, he's some sort of freethinking anarchist!
Hey, Dad. Do you hear voices?
[annoyed] Yes, I'm hearing one now, though I'm trying to watch TV.
[checks] Yes. Are you quick to anger?
[angrily and raises his fist] Bart, shut up or I'll shut you up!
Yes. Do you wet your pants? Even the best of us has an occasional accident.
[as the doctor shows pictures of inkblots in the paper] The devil with his fly open.
DDoctor
Right. [shows the next paper]
Uh, that's a spill on the floor with bugs going after it. Uh, they're going to eat it.
DDoctor
Good. [shows the next paper with an inkblot that looks exactly like Bart]
It's...THE BOY!
[The next morning, Bart and "Michael" push the piano into Lisa's bedroom while she's sleeping]
BBart and "Michael"
[Quietly] Lisa? Lisa! Lisa! [Bart pinches her nose and she wakes up]
Bart! It's 6:30 AM.
That's right! Hope you like your present! [He dumps trash out of her wastebasket, puts on his red cap, and turns to "Michael," sitting at the piano] And a one! And a two! And a one, two, three, four! [He taps the bottom of the wastebasket like a bongo drum]
?"Michael"
[Singing] Lisa, it's your birthday. God bless you this day. You gave me the gift of a little sister and I'm proud of you today.
BBart and "Michael"
Lisa, it's your birthday! Happy birthday, Lisa! Lisa, it's your birthday! Happy birthday, Lisa!
?"Michael"
I wish you love and goodwill. I wish you praise and joy!
I wish you better than your heart's desires...
?"Michael"
And your first kiss from a boy.
BBart and "Michael"
[As Homer, Marge, and Maggie come into the room] Lisa, it's your birthday! Happy birthday, Lisa! Lisa, it's your birthday! Happy birthday, Lisa!
Yeah!
Oh! This is the best present I ever got! [Hugs Bart] Thank you, Bart! Thank you, Michael!
LKLeon Kompowsky
[In his real voice] Well, my work here is done.
Hey, Michael! What happened to your voice?
LLeon
This is my real voice. My name is Leon Kompowsky and I'm a bricklayer from Paterson, New Jersey. All my life, I was very angry. Till one day, I just... [In Michael Jackson's voice] ...talked like this. [Normal voice] All of a sudden, everybody was smilin' at me and I was only doin' good on this earth. So I kept on doing it. To make a tired point, which one of us is truly crazy?
Not me! I've got this! [Shows his certificate, reading "Not insane"]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.