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The Simpsons · Season 3

“Treehouse of Horror II” quotes from The Simpsons

4 quotes

“Treehouse of Horror II” · Season 3

In this episode: Homer Simpson (4), Bart Simpson (3), Marge Simpson (2), Lisa Simpson (2), Mr. Burns (2), Waylon Smithers (2)

[Homer has a Jack in the Box for a body. He tucks Bart into bed using his mouth]

Good night, son.

Good night, dad. You know, these last few days have been really swell. I wish I could repay you?

Well, if you wanted to, you could give me my body back.

You got it. [using his mind]

[regains his body] Oh! Hey, Hey. [hugs Bart] Thanks boy.

I love you dad.

I love you son. [kisses Bart's forehead]

[We cut to reality as the dream ends, Bart wakes up screaming in terror, the camera zooms into his mouth, cutting to commercial break]

[Mr. Burns and Smithers watch surveillance footage of employees toying around and avoiding work]

Ooh, look at them, Smithers - goldbrickers, layabouts, slugabeds. Little do they realize their days of suckling at my teat are numbered.

Oh, in the meantime, sir, may I suggest a random firing? Just to throw the fear of God into them.

Very well. [to the screen] Eeny, meeny, miny... [sees Homer sleeping on his workplace] Blugh! Him!

[on the speaker] Attention, Homer Simpson. Attention, Homer Simpson. [Homer doesn't wake up] Wake up, Homer!

[wakes up, alarmed and confused] What? Huh? What?! [starts pressing buttons]

[on the speaker] You're fired.

For what?

[on the speaker] For sleeping on the job.

How did you know I was sleeping?

[on the speaker] We've been watching you on the surveillance camera.

[sees camera off-screen] Camera? D'oh!

[After the robot behaves just like Homer, Mr. Burns returns the brain to Homer's body]

[as Burns sews the top of his head back on] Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.

Oh, will you quit your complaining!

Sir, do you know what this means? He is alive!

Oh, you're right, Smithers. I guess I owe you a Coke. [to the robot] And as for you, you clinking, clattering cacophony of caliginous cogs and camshifts, take that! [feebly kicks it, causing it to tip and loom over him]

Run, sir!

[The robot lands on Burns, crushing him save for his head]

Every bone...shattered, organs...leaking vital fluids...a slight headache...loss of appetite. Smithers, I'm going to die.

[distraught] Sir, is there nothing I can do?

Well...perhaps. Smithers, go to my office. In the third drawer of my desk are...surgical tools...and some ether.

[Homer wakes up screaming]

Did you have a nightmare, Homey?

No, Bart bit me!

Hey, man, you were crushing me! [to Marge and Lisa] I tried to scream, but my mouth was full of flab.

Hey, got to go shake the dew off the lily. [walks into bathroom and looks in the mirror, to find Burns' head sewn onto his left shoulder] Aaaah!!!

Perhaps you're wondering why you have two heads. Well, my body was crushed, so I had my head grafted onto your, shall we say, ample frame.

[trying to stay calm] I can wake up! It's all a dream! It's just a dream!

Oh, that's right! It's all a dream... [fade to black; credits showrunner appears] ...or is it? [laughs evilly; credits showrunner disappeared]

AAnnouncer

Next week, on "The Simpsons"...

[Everyone is at the breakfast table]

Don't forget, Dad, tonight, my class is having an all-you-can-eat spaghetti dinner.

Mmm...spaghetti.

But Homer, tonight's our reception for Queen Beatrix of the Netherlands!

Oh, I hate having two heads!

[The credits staring at the end, Halloween music appears. After the credits, Gracie Films organ music in the background, and 20th Television Fox music is back to normal at the end of the episode]

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