Homer Simpson quotes from The Simpsons

Homer

You know what? Apu leaving is the best thing that ever happened to this band. We're gonna be like Genesis after Peter Gabriel left.

Bart

You mean more popular but not as good?

Homer

[angrily to Bart] Phil Collins-era Genesis is not as good, huh? "No Reply at All," "Land of Confusion," "Throwing it All Away," "Illegal Alien," "I Can't Dance," and I'm sure I don't need to mention "Invisible Touch"! Hmph! [angrily goes to the kitchen]

Homer

Yeah, but doesn't the money go to schools?

You have been to our schools, what do you think?

Homer

Yeah? Well, good luck assembling all those toys without me!

Patty

We already did it!

Homer

Ah! The ghost of Marge future!

Marge

Homer, you have to stop dropping your pants for everyone who claims they're a doctor.

Homer

Fine.

Homer

Look at all these knobs and buttons. They're clearly a superior race. Maybe that means they'll be nice to us.

Lisa

You mean like Europeans were to the Native Americans or the Belgians were to The Congo?

Homer

That's right, pick the only two times in history where things got messy.

Homer

Bart, I believe you're forgetting America's greatest wartime wheelchair-bound leader, Professor X of the X-Men.

Bart

It's not that Professor X wouldn't get up, it's that he couldn't!

Bart

Thinking back, I'm kinda surprised Mom and Dad let a crazy man spend all night in my bedroom.

Homer

Simpler times.

Princess Kemi

So, all these concubines belong to this one tyrant?

Homer

It's called The Bachelor.

Homer

She's gone!

And she trashed my bar! Oh no, wait, she actually cleaned up a little bit. Good for her.

Bart

Dad, are you gonna snitch on me?

Homer

Moes before bros.

Marge

I'm not giving up on Bart, just like I didn't give up on our marriage when you quit your job to start the North American Sumo League.

Homer

The NASL would have made money if someone had washed a few sumo loin cloths for me.

Marge

I said I would do yours, but not the whole dojo.

These photos show that 6 years ago Bart and Lisa were fighting like Creationists and Common Sense.

Homer

Isn't that sweet, six years ago they were fighting, now they're playing pool in a bar.

Father of the year, pal, father of the year.

Carl

Yeah Homer, we'll definitely help you, but you're gonna have to wait.

We just ordered a pie for the bar.

Carl

What did you do that for?!

Barney

Yeah! It took us 45 minutes to choose a topping!

We decided on cheese.

Marge

What are we going to do?

Homer

It's not so bad, sweety. I took a box of Altoids from her waiting room. The most anyone has ever gotten out of therapy.

Lisa

Remember when Apu let Dad have the experienced hot dog?

Homer

Just once and I'm still taking medication for it.

Homer

That's Mock Rickly, my old Air Force buddy.

Bart

You said you were in the Army.

Lisa

You said you were in the Navy.

That's the kind of mix up that used to happen when I was in the Marines.