A character in The Office (US)
Played by Jenna Fischer
The Office (US) · 496 quotes
4th most-quoted character in The Office (US): in 67 of its 496 quotes
Most scenes with: Jim Halpert (28), Michael Scott (14), Dwight Schrute (14)
PamNothing happened. We went on a couple of dates. He never called me again.
What? He never called you? I thought you said it just fizzled.
PamThat's fizzling. I mean, someone has to start the fizzle.
Yeah, I thought you started it.
PamNo, I liked him. For a couple of days. Four years ago. You know I have a kid with you, right?
Pam[seeing Michael pouring gasoline all over the parking lot] Michael! Michael!
Hi.
PamHi. I was just coming out to see what you were doing and to maybe stop you.
Oh, you know what, you have a siphon? I think I'm gonna run out of gas.
PamWhy do you need more gas?
Well, I'm writing a message.
PamIs it a good message or a bad message?
I'm asking Holly a question in fire.
PamAre you proposing?!
Maybe.
PamWow.
Hey, you know what? I've got gas all over my hands and my shoes. Would you light it? Would you do the honors please?
PamYeah. Yeah, no problem. [grabs the lighter and runs away]
Pam.
PamYep?
Could you light this please?
PamMichael, you've had two ideas today. And one of them was great. And the other one was terrible.
I am not in the mood for riddles, Pam.
PamThis is terrible.
[The entire office staff sings a surprise song to Michael to the tune of "Seasons of Love" from Rent]
Nine million, nine hundred eighty six thousand minutes! We actually sat down, and did the math.
Nine million, nine hundred eighty six thousand minutes! That's how many minutes, that you've worked here.
PamIn costumes!
And impressions!
In meetings.
And cups of coffee.
For birthdays!
More meetings and...
...E-mail forwards you made us read.
Nine million, nine hundred eighty six thousand minutes! That's like watching Die Hard, eighty thousand times!
You hit me with your car!
You helped me get off drugs!
I watch you when you sleep.
I forgive you for kissing me!
Remember to call. Call. Remember to call. Call. Remember to call. Call.
Call, text or e-mail, or call.
[falsetto] Measure your life in love!
Remember to call, remember to call. Remember to call.
[voice-over as he leaves the office in a cab, arrives at the airport, and goes through security] Well, got almost everybody, so...Holly's my family now. She's my family, and the babies that I make with her will be my children. The people that you work with are just, when you get down to it, your very best friends. They say on your deathbed, you never wish you spent more time at the office, but I will. Got to be a lot better than a deathbed. I actually don't understand deathbeds. I mean, who would buy that?
[Cut to Michael at last checkpoint putting his shoes back on] Well, I guess this is it. Hey, will you guys let me know if this ever airs? Thank you. All right...oh. [Removes the wireless mic from his jacket] This is gonna feel so good getting this thing off my chest. [Hands device over. No audio] That's what she said. Bye.
[He walks a few steps until Pam, shoes in hand, catches up to him. The dialogue is not heard as they share a couple of hugs and a kiss on the cheek, and he walks down the airport as Pam looks on.]
PamNo, he wasn't sad. He was full of hope...about Colorado, and he was hoping to get an upgrade as an awards member. And he said he was just real excited to get home and see Holly.
So this is my life. Until I win the lottery. Or Pam finally writes that series of young adult books.
PamSo one afternoon, while walking home from school, quirky 10th grader Becky Walters finds a wounded Pegasus in the woods. And she becomes...The Horse Flyer.
Dwight! Walk me out. Let's talk soon. And stay on top of these people. You gotta admit it - it's nice to have a little power, eh? How's it feel?
Jo, I accidentally fired a gun in the office today.
What?!
I am telling you this because I care too much about this job to be blackmailed into doing it poorly. All I've ever wanted was to be manager here. And if you feel that you cannot promote me over this one accident, I understand. But if you think that extortion is worse...
Shooting is worse! Are you kidding me? It's not even in the same...you shot a gun? What is wrong with you?
It was a Beaumont-Adams, if that helps.
Beaumont-Adams is a girl's gun. That just makes it plain stupid.
I take full responsibility.
Who else would be responsible?
Pam made me put a banana in my holster.
PamYou shot a gun off.
OK, did I make a mistake? Yes. Do I regret the decision that I made? Yes.
Oh, stop asking yourself easy questions so you can look like a genius.
Got it.
Pam[Pretending to be a client so Creed doesn't ruin the company] Hello, this is...the client.
It's Creed. FYI, I'm starting my own paper company, looking to poach some chumps. You in?
Pam BeeslyYes.
[Laughs] Cool. Let's keep this on the QT, OK? I don't want you to be a dead mama jama.
Pam, how would you rate me as a receptionist on a scale of 1 to 3?
PamUm, two?
That's like the second to last thing I wanted to hear.
PamDwight, am I hot right now?
Why would I or anyone else think that you're hot right now? I can't impregnate you, and that's the driving force between male-female attraction.
PamWhat about before? Was I attractive before?
Meh. You were at your most attractive when you were 24 with a slight, gradual decline and a steep drop-off when you got pregnant for the first time. Gradual recovery and, uh, well now, obviously, you're at an all-time low.
PamOscar thinks that having a dog is just like having a baby.
News flash: If you didn't carry it around for nine months, it isn't your kid.
PamExactly. Unless you adopted, of course.
That is where we disagree.
Everyone stop what you're doing. I have terrible news. Dwight is no longer with us.
What?
He's gone, dammit! He's been promoted to VP of Sabre Retail, and he's staying in Florida forever.
So he's alive?
Yeah. That was him on the phone. He sounds wonderful.
Well, the way you said it made it sound like he was dead.
How could I have been more clear? He had a massive stroke of good fortune and he is now in a better place.
PamHey Jim. Stanley's back from the hospital today. Can you sign his card?
Oh, great. [reads] "Glad they didn't mix up your tonsillectomy with a moustachectomy." Oh, that's not good.
Oh, because your jokes are all hilarious.
PamIt's nice. It's funny. It mentions his tonsillectomy and makes a funny little joke about his moustache.
Stanley doesn't have a moustache.
PamYeah, he does.
Pam, hit the brakes. Stanley does not have a moustache. I misspoke. I'm not sure. I think he has one, now that- I think he has a moustache.
PamOkay, Phyllis sits across from him every day. Phyllis, does he have a moustache or not?
Oh, I don't know. Now I think he doesn't.
PamPhyllis! What are you talking- The whole card depends on this!
Okay, the man's worked here for 25 years. How can none of us picture his face?
Because we come here to do our jobs. We don't stick our noses in other people's business.
PamOkay, which one of these looks more right?
[holds up drawing of Stanley with and without a moustache]
Neither of those looks like any person that has ever existed or been dreamt of in the history of human insanity. That said, the one on the left.
[bell dings] Guys, that's the elevator. What if it's him?
Okay, quick. Who says moustache?
[Pam, Oscar, Dwight, and Creed raise their hands]
Yep.
Who says no moustache?
[Jim, Angela, and Phyllis raise their hands; Gabe enters, hiding Stanley's face]
[reveals Stanley's moustache] Ah! Ha ha ha!
He does have a moustache.
Yes!
PamWelcome back, Stanley.
[Stanley grunts]
Shabooyah, role call! Shabooyah, yah yah shabooyah, role call!
PamMy name is Pam.
Yeah!
PamI like to paint.
Yeah!
PamYou think you’re better?
Yeah!
PamOh no you ain't!
Role call! Shabooyah, yah yah shabooyah, role call! Shabooyah, yah yah shabooyah, role call!
My name is Kevin.
Yeah!
That is my name.
Yeah!
They call me Kevin.
Yeah!
'Cause that's my name.
PamDwight listen to me. Businesswomen are just normal, nice, reasonable people. Who's a nice, reasonable person in your experience?
I had a barber once who used to comb my hair gently.
PamOkay, so when you're selling to this woman, just imagine she's that nice, reasonable barber.
Okay, I can do that.
PamGood. Baby steps.
He used to fight dogs.
PamLike, he used to make dogs fight, or he actually fought dogs?
Little of this, little of that.
Pam[on phone] Did you send Dwight on a quest for the Holy Grail?
I think I'm a little too busy these days to s - - [whispering] Oh, my God. I did send Dwight on a quest for the Holy Grail.
Michael ScottSteve Carell · 169 quotes
Dwight SchruteRainn Wilson · 147 quotes
Jim HalpertJohn Krasinski · 100 quotes
Andy BernardEd Helms · 48 quotes
Kevin MaloneBrian Baumgartner · 28 quotes
Oscar MartinezOscar Nunez · 25 quotes
Stanley HudsonLeslie David Baker · 22 quotes
Angela MartinAngela Kinsey · 21 quotes
Erin HannonEllie Kemper · 21 quotes
Toby FlendersonPaul Lieberstein · 21 quotes
Creed BrattonCreed Bratton · 19 quotes
KellyMindy Kaling · 17 quotes
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Office (US) pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
