Jo quotes from The Office (US)

When Mama was working as a prison guard and something went missing, she'd ask one question: "What do we do when we find the guilty party?" And if they said, "Come down on him with that swift hammer of justice", innocent. A clear conscience don't need no mercy. But if they said, "Officer Bessie, well they may have had a reason, blah blah blah blah", well, nine times out of ten, that's the anus they'd check.

This is knucklehead talk. I'm not gonna bite it, you know? You can't give me gravy and tell me it's jelly, because gravy ain't sweet! Is it, Jim?

Jim

I don't think so.

Michael?

Michael

Forget the question.

I think one of you should return to sales, and the other one be manager.

Michael

I humbly accept the management position.

Jim

Why would you just say something like that?

Michael

Because, well, Jim, where I'm from, two types of folk: those who ain't, and those who are knee-high on a grasshopper. Which type ain't you ain't? Ya'll come back now.

Dwight! Walk me out. Let's talk soon. And stay on top of these people. You gotta admit it - it's nice to have a little power, eh? How's it feel?

Dwight

Jo, I accidentally fired a gun in the office today.

What?!

Dwight

I am telling you this because I care too much about this job to be blackmailed into doing it poorly. All I've ever wanted was to be manager here. And if you feel that you cannot promote me over this one accident, I understand. But if you think that extortion is worse...

Shooting is worse! Are you kidding me? It's not even in the same...you shot a gun? What is wrong with you?

Dwight

It was a Beaumont-Adams, if that helps.

Beaumont-Adams is a girl's gun. That just makes it plain stupid.

Dwight

I take full responsibility.

Who else would be responsible?

Dwight

Pam made me put a banana in my holster.

Pam

You shot a gun off.

Dwight

OK, did I make a mistake? Yes. Do I regret the decision that I made? Yes.

Oh, stop asking yourself easy questions so you can look like a genius.

Dwight

Got it.