Andy Bernard quotes from The Office (US)

Andy

I'll be the number-two guy here in Scranton in six weeks. How? Name repetition, personality mirroring, and never breaking off a handshake. I'm always thinking one step ahead. Like a... carpenter... that makes stairs.

Andy

I did this for the little guy. For Joe Six-pack. The guy who wakes up every morning in his $400 a month apartment, wonders how he's going to pay his mortgage; wonders how he's going to fill his car up with oil; wonders "How am I going to pay my kids' orphanage bills?" That guy shouldn't have to wonder where he's going to park.

Andy

[yelling] The fire is shooting at us!

Andy

I know a few things about love. Horrible, terrible, awful, awful things.

Andy

This is not the first time rumors about me being gay have come up. Twice before actually. Just a weird coincidence. A little too weird. Almost makes you wonder if it's not a coincidence at all! Whoa! Which it is, of course. But it makes you wonder.

Andy

Women cannot resist a man singing show tunes. It's so powerful, even a lot of men can't resist a man singing show tunes.

Andy

I don't have kids or anything, but if my grandmother ever dies, I'm going to kill myself.

Andy

When I was a salesman I could just be like "not my job, not my prob, I'm going to the warehouse to polish my knob!" ...Metaphorically, of course.

Andy

My heart belongs to music. But my ass belongs to these people.

Andy

You're the deuce I never want to drop!

Andy

I am a leader. But you can only inspire people so much in a place like this. So today I'm turning the inspire-factor up to ten with a little help from my friend America's bloodiest battle.

Andy

My parents met Jessica and they completely flipped for her, so they gave me this old family ring to use on her. I know, "Whoa! Pump the breaks, Bernard, too early!" I get it. I just, you know, I'm just carrying it around, seeing how it feels. I haven't proposed to anyone in years.

Andy

Tough day. Yes. But I feel good. I put the office in their place, took a bunch of painkillers, drank a bottle of wine, took my pants off. I just feel good.

Andy

I had a lot on my mind last night, and I didn't perform. Okay? It happens to plenty of guys. It's usually not followed by a giant workplace discussion and an interview.

Andy

There are two things I am passionate about. Recycling, and revenge.