SpongeBob SquarePants · Season 5
[shocked] He didn't! Floral print curtains in me office?! [gets mad] That's it! That's the last straw! I'm not putting up with this any longer! [rips the curtains revealing Margaret showering] Oh. I'm sorry. [bumps into Harold]
What's going on in here?
No, I... [Harold beats him up]
[last lines]
Oh, Mr. Krabs kicked me out so now we're neighbors again. Hey, my drums! [he plays the drums in front of a moving van]
No! [cries]
[cuts to Mr. Krabs walks in to the Krusty Krab]
[sees all of Squidward's stuff] SQUIDWARD!!!!!
Oh, how cold does Krabs keep this place, anyway? [looks at the thermostat which displays 62°F] 62 degrees?! Oh, that cheapskate! I'm gonna set it to a toasty 63. [he sets the thermostat to 63; an alarm goes off] Huh?!
[hears the alarm, busts down the door] WHO TOUCHED ME THERMOSTAT?!?!?!?!?!
[all point to Squidward]
Oh, thanks a-- [Mr. Krabs pulls him away]
You're welcome, Squidward.
Mr. Squidward, you're always goin' on about your book club. Read this!
[reading sign] "Do not touch thermostat ever".
[Mr. Krabs sets it back]
Heat costs money! There are two ways to get on my bad side, boys. I don't like kids playin' in me yard, and nobody but me touches me thermostat!
That's totally selfish!
Yeah! Your yard is really fun! There are kids playing on it right now!
What?! [sees kids on his front yard] Hey, you kids get off of my lawn!
I'm going to go recover from hypothermia.
Hippo-what-ia? What does that mean?
It means he's a big fat crybaby.
It's beautiful. I'm sellin' twice as many patties and I don't even have to cook 'em! This is the happiest, and most cost-effective day of me whole life! [hugs all the money and laughs]
Nooo! How is this possible?! I freeze his place solid and he turns it into an ice rink! He's making more money than ever!
That's because, unlike you, he's a good businessman.
Well, if it isn't the wind beneath my wings.
I don't understand why you don't just steal a Krabby Patty in all that confusion.
[realizes] I'll be right back. [chuckles and leaves]
[sighs] I don't know why I encourage him.
[reading a story to Gary] And then, the little ugly mollusk ran all the way home...
[breaking through SpongeBob's wall] SpongeBob, you gotta see this! It's an emergency broadcast on my TV!
The day you've been waiting for is almost here. That's right. "Glove World" has a new ride. It's big... [roller coaster goes above the water then back down into it]
It's fast... [The girl fish and Harold are yelling riding a roller coaster so fast, Harold flies off of it]
[yelling] Harold, NOOOOO!
It's painful... [Fish squeals as roller coaster crashes into the ground, causing an explosion]
It's the "Fiery Fist O' Pain." Opening tomorrow only at Glove World!
Tomorrow! SpongeBob, we gotta get to bed so we can be first in line!
[over speaker] Please wait until the car has come to a complete stop... and stop crying!
It's over. You can get out now.
We did it! [both get out and run around in circles]
We conquered our fears!
We stopped crying!
We survived the Fist o' Pain!
Hey, hold it right there! You forgot these.
Our spines! [grab their spines] Yeah! [when they grab them, they start to wiggle their bodies and then bend them backwards. They laugh]
Let's go again!
Yeah!
I know. Isn't it great? It looks just like the Krusty Krab.
It looks more like Plankton tryin' to steal me restaurant! [steps out of a taxi with suitcases in hand and a hat on his head]
Mr. Krabs! You've returned from your vacation. [the word "Exposition!" appears above SpongeBob's head]
And it's time for the Krusty Krab to return from its vacation. [He scuttles to the back of the building and as he grunts with effort, he pushes the Krusty Krab over to its original spot. Then flips it over to have the doors face the street]
Hooray!
Yay!
[takes the safe out from his throat. It was covered with saliva. He takes out the formula for the patties] And I bet you tried to steal this, too.
[chuckles sheepishly] Well, steal is such a strong word. [Mr. Krabs grabs him on the side of his eye. He screams in pain]
You don't really think I'd leave me secret formula behind when I go on vacation, do ya? Now...
"Stay away from me..."
"...restaurant, bug." I think we've been through this one before. Allow me to do the honors. [throws himself back at the Chum Bucket, but doesn't scream like he always does. He lets out a blank expressionless monotone scream. Plankton lands face-first on the ground, where the Chum Bucket previously was]
[upset] Oh, excellent job, genius. Ya really fixed the place up.
[muffled] Don't nag me, Karen. I've had a long day.
A smiley face with dimples.
[screams] Dimples? It was him! No, Squidward did it!
[moaning] Spend us, spend us.
I can't spend all of you. And none of you want to be spent on stuff I want.
Spend us.
Ah, you're all shallow and self-absorbed. What did I ever see in you?
Spend us.
I'm not listening.
Spend us.
Try saying that one three times fast.
Well, that ends me tale, straight from the book.
Now I gotta go and polish me hook.
Tommy, I've got a fresh load of laundr- [screams as she thinks Tommy is having a seizure on the floor] Tommy! Oh! Oh, dear me, no! [dials 911] Hello, it's an emergency! My son! He's-
[scoffs] Mom, calm down. [stops music] I'm just doing "The Cramp".
[hangs up phone] Oh, oh you kids and your crazy dance fads. [laughs and is soon joined by Mr. Krabs, SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward]
Hey, everybody, let's all do "The Cramp"!
Yeah!
[Tommy's mother sets up the music. Everybody dances "The Cramp" while SpongeBob and Patrick scream]
Ahoy, Squidward! GOOD NEPTUNE! SpongeBob, what has gotten into to you, son?!?
I think he's in some kind of self-induced trance.
No, Squidward. This is worse. He's got the Thousand-Yard Stare. I had it once meself back in me service days. [shakes SpongeBob] What is it, lad?!? Quick, we're losing money!!!
[SpongeBob's hat falls off, exposing a calander in it; Mr. Krabs reads it]
It's the boy's tiny calendar. And he has circled today's date. [reads the circled date] "Important Food Critic Visits Krusty Krab"!?!?
That's what's causing all this? Only a complete idiot would worry about what some critic has to say.
[Mr. Krabs adapts the same Thousand-Yard Stare as SpongeBob and they both shudder in horror]
I rest my case.
Ay, ay-ay-ay-ay... That's me boy, SpongeBob. That's me boy. [SpongeBob walks in the kitchen as a dollar sign while register rings keep sounding. Cut to a line of fish lined up at The Krusty Krab]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's SpongeBob SquarePants pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
