Mermaid Man quotes from SpongeBob SquarePants

Mermaid Man

Oh, fiddlesticks SpongeBob, do you know how hard it is...in our advanced age...to move? Don't shine a giant light in the sky unless there's a real emergency.

Mermaid Man

"EEEEVILLL!!!"

Mermaid Man

[as a young adult] By the power of Neptune!

[as he speaks, young adult Barnacle Boy joins Mermaid Man] Mermaid Man, with his young associate Barnacle Boy, fights for all creatures who live in the sea, against the forces of evil.

Barnacle Boy

Time to come out of retirement. There's evil afoot.

Mermaid Man

Evil! Where is it?

Barnacle Boy

[points at SpongeBob and Patrick] There it is! You know what this means? [opens a box containing their rings]

Mermaid Man

Donuts.

Barnacle Boy

Oh brother.

Barnacle Boy

[takes away the conch signal from SpongeBob] Alright, that's it! Gimme that! You're running us ragged.

Mermaid Man

[while crawling on the walkway of SpongeBob's house] Must answer clarion call! [collapses]

Barnacle Boy

We're exhausted!

SpongeBob

[while tearing up] I'm sorry, Barnacle Boy! I didn't mean it! I just wanted to spend time with you! You're my heroes! [starts crying]

Barnacle Boy

It's too late for that, Mr. Contest Winner. I'm gonna destroy this thing with my sulfur vision! [tries to use his sulfur vision to destroy the conch but is unsuccessful. He tries again, but he still doesn't succeed] Well, I'll destroy it when I get back to the Mermalair. Uh, and as for you... [puts the conch in his pocket]

Mermaid Man

[gets up] Barnacle Boy, don't squash his enthusiasm. After all, he could be the hero of tomorrow, or the villain. Besides, I remember another young whipper-snapper, who wanted to be a super-hero. [takes out a picture. The image shows Barnacle Boy as a kid holding a lollipop; chuckles]

Barnacle Boy

You don't even remember breakfast, you old coot.

Mermaid Man

[walks up to SpongeBob, still crying] Maybe the conch signal is too much responsibility. [SpongeBob stops crying] But how would you like to spend the rest of the afternoon on patrol?

Barnacle Boy

What?

Mermaid Man

[while he and SpongeBob are running to the Invisible Boatmobile] To the Invisible Boatmobile! [Barnacle Boy becomes angry]

Barnacle Boy

I'm tired of playing second banana to a man who wears a bra. From now on, I wanna be called Barnacle Man! And, I'm through with protecting citizens that don't respect me!

SpongeBob

I respect you, Barnacle Man!

That's Barnacle Boy, I mean, Man! I... Ohh... forget you people. I say if you're not gonna give me any respect as a hero, then maybe you'll give me respect as a villain. A villain who is... [the sky turns orange as thunderstorms are heard] evil!

SpongeBob

Evil?

Evil? [Mermaid Man zones out, so Mr. Krabs slaps him]

Mermaid Man

Evil!

I'm crossing over... to the dark side! [points to dark side of Krusty Krab]

Why should I waste money lightin' the whole store? [villain car comes in, shows brief shot of License Plate (MEAN 2 U), then the window opens revealing Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble in the car]

Dirty Bubble

Did someone say evil?

SpongeBob

Holy oil spill! It's Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy's arch enemies: Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble! [Barnacle "Man" gets in the villain car]

Nighty night, you old goat! [the villain car departs]

Mermaid Man

Nighty-night! [to Squidward] Will you tuck me in? [Squidward narrows his eyes]

Mermaid Man

I'm right here! Don't worry, good citizens! Nothing will stop me from defeating the E.V.I.L.! [runs outside] Nothing! [ice cream truck sounds] Ice cream? I love ice cream! A double scoop of prune with bran sprinkles. [receives an ice cream with a lit fuse] Mmm. [licks it and takes a big bite but explodes, "KA-BRAN!" appears, leaving a hole in his stomach] Goes right through me every time.

Mermaid Man

How is that adult-sized Krabby Patty treating you, Barnacle [winks] Man?

Actually, it's pretty big. I'm not sure if I can finish the whole thing.

SpongeBob

[walks in angrily] Too old for an action movie. Huh!

Barnacle Boy

What is it this time, kid?

SpongeBob

Are you aware Drippy Brothers Studio is making the Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy movie?

Barnacle Boy

They can't be making a movie about us!

SpongeBob

But they are, and they're using... [snap to a live-action close-up of his mouth] ...actors. [the heroes gasp] They have shunned our heroes.

Patrick

And they weren't nice to them either.

Mermaid Man

[sobs] Now our dreams of being big screen heroes will never come true.

SpongeBob

Well, that makes it even worse.

Barnacle Boy

[puts his hands on Mermaid Man's back] You bet it does, kid.

Mermaid Man

And the worst part is...I can't remember why I started crying. [sobs some more]

Patrick

Why don't we just make our own movie?

SpongeBob

Patrick, once again, you have exposed your brilliance. We'll make a real Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy movie, right here at Shady Shoals.

Mermaid Man

[stops crying] You will?

SpongeBob

Yes, and in doing so, we will right the wrong done to you by the evil Drippy Brother Studios and... [same close-up of his mouth from before] ...their actors.

Mermaid Man

[jumps on top of the table] Vindication is ours! Vindi...How did I get up here?

Can we please steal the secret formula now? Pretty please, Man Ray?

I MUST HAVE MORE! [starts to pound on the table] Bring me more Krabby Patties! Bring more Krabby Patties! [shoots roof with laser gun]

SpongeBob

[he and Squidward are scared by his acts before SpongeBob stands in front] Stand aside, Squidward. I'm gonna be my own hero. [slides into the kitchen, and runs out to Man Ray with hundreds of Krabby Patties] Thank you, sir! Enjoy your meal.

At last! [starts to eat the Krabby Patties]

Alright, fine! I'll just steal the secret formula myself! [grabs Man Ray's laser gun] Oh, and Man Ray, this friendship is OVER! [Man Ray burps, which causes Plankton to drop the gun]

[is now obese after eating too much Krabby Patties. He holds one last uneaten Krabby Patty] No... no... no more... can't... eat... [drops the last Patty] another... [chair breaks, and Man Ray falls on the floor]

Mermaid Man

[he and Barnacle Boy walk through the burnt-down door] There he is! [they cuff Man Ray] Alright, Man Ray, lunch time's over!

[surprised] WHAT?! How did you two know I was here?

Barnacle Boy

A little sponge told us. [they pull Man Ray away]

This wasn't supposed to happen...

[rolls out a very long bill] Here you go, Plankton.

What's this?

It's the bill. For your partner. [he, SpongeBob, and Squidward laugh as the episode ends]