Squidward?
Yes, Mr.- achoo! Krabs?
Why don't all these new pets have patties in front of them, I'm running a business, not a showdown.
S13A Place for Pets
S13Lockdown for Love
[The episode starts at the Chum Bucket, of which the bucket's handle falls to the ground, and Plankton and Karen are come out of it with a hot air balloon shaped like a heart for a date.]
Ah, I'm floating on air! A balloon ride, a candle-light dinner, and our wedding song is playing! Oh, this day is perfect.
No, you're perfect, Karen. You're the best computer wife a copepod ever could have! [types on keyboard] Bon-bon? [he presses a button on the keyboard]
Oh, I shouldn't. [her computer screen turns into a woman eating a bon-bon]
Indulge yourself, my darling.
Thank you, Plankton. This is truly a date to remember.
Well, my love, you haven't seen anything yet. [comes back dressed as Ray Ray] For you, my love! [passes a rose to Karen using his tongue]
Oh, Ray Ray! [laughs and sniffs rose] Aah.
[combs hair] That's right, baby. Ray Ray is at your service. [shines teeth]
Ray Ray, you've got my cooling fans running on high. [grabs Plankton and knocks down table] Ha, ha. Get over here and give me some sugar! [as Plankton and Karen are about to kiss, Plankton sees Mr. Krabs down from above.]
Huh?
♪Do do do do do♪ [places the formula on top of his boat, and yawns and stretches] What a long day. [he gets in his boat as he leaves the formula behind]
[looks down at the formula; angelic singing] Uh... eh... ehh! AHHH! I CAN'T TAKE IT!!!!
What is it, Plankton?
Hold that thought, baby. I uh- I forgot something down here. I'll be right back! [jumps off from the balloon and his clothes fall off] Can't believe this is really happening. [falls to the ground] The Krabby Patty secret formula is finally mine! Huh? [he goes through the formula; every time he touches it, his hand goes through the formula] Huh? Eh... [the formula disappears] Ehh! [looks for the formula] Hm, eh, ah, eh, eh! Is this some kind of horrible nightmare? What? [the scene cuts to inside the Chum Bucket to reveal that Plankton was on top of a green screen] A projector? You tricked me with a simulation?!
It was a test, Plankton! And you failed! You fail every time when it comes to our romance.
Right, so I goof up one time and now I'm the bad guy?
One time? Failed one time? [numbers show up on her screen] How about 4,700,000 and- [glitching] Error, er-er-error.
But baby cakes, I left to go get the Krabby Patty secret formula. For me... and you... You know... for us! [puts on a cute face] Ehhh?
Listen, Sheldon. You need to show me an interruption-free romantic date night because until that happens, no one is leaving the Chum Bucket. [presses an alarm that makes the Chum Bucket go on lockdown]
Aah! [a brick wall crushes the front doors as the Chum Bucket's glove grabs some tinfoil as it places it on top of the roof and puts a rubber band on it.; Karen grabs Plankton, and his Ray Ray clothes get put on] Oof!
You better not mess this one up, Ray Ray. [flicks Plankton off her hand]
S13Under the Small Top
I Sent this for me yesterday, and i'm still waiting.
AAnnouncer
Bummer, Dude!
What?
AAnnouncer
Bummer Dude action figures, they're miserable. [SpongeBob Turns off the TV]
MMailman
Hey, hey, hey spongebob, got a buncha great stuff for you today [holds up a catalog] The New "Spatula Emporium" Catalog
No
MMailman
[Holds up a Check] Free Money from the sweepstakes you won.
[Tears off a check] No.
MMailman
[Holds up a letter] A Letter from your family?
[eats it up] No, how about packages, do you have any packages for me?
MMailman
Nope, No Packages, Sorry to Disappoint You, SpongeBob.
S13Squidward's Sick Daze
Well, that was fun. Now let's check that thermometer again, shall we?
[giving SpongeBob the thermometer] Here you go.
[looks at the thermometer as it quickly rises in temperature, and his eyes turn into thermometers as well. They both explode] Yikes! A fever! Squidward, we gotta cool you off! [puts Squidward into the sink and turns on the sink]
Stop!
You're right, you need even colder. [he runs to a tundra, runs up a mountain, enters a cave, and scares a blue sea bear as he comes out with a bucket of ice] Thank you!
[gets off the sink, leaving a huge square indent in his butt] Oh boy.
[splashes the cold water onto Squidward] There. All better?
[shivering] No, you buffoon!
You're right, Squidward. I have been... buffoon.
What?!
I've been treating the symptoms instead of the sickness! [pulls out a saw]
Stay away from me with that thing!
But we have to figure out what you have so we can treat it!
[sweating] No, um, I already know what I have, it's, uh, acute... uh... spotting, uh, sclorboritis.
[His eyes bulge out] Acute spotting sclorboritis?! I've never heard of that one. [holds out a book] Better look it up. [blows onto the book to remove the dust, which gets into Squidward's nose, making him sneeze multiple times] Oh, you're getting worse! We've gotta find a cure fast! [rapidly flips through pages] I found it. Here it is.
[sniffling, snot dripping] You did?
Yup. And the cure seems pretty simple. [he shows the pages to Squidward as a screaming sound effect plays] See?
[pushes the book down] Uh, wait, wait, did I say acute spotting sclorboritis? No no no, I must've meant... uh, uh, plerkinton's syndrome.
S13Pat the Dog
MMarvin
What? You did it. You're a miracle worker.
Well, I don't like to brag, but--
MMarvin
That's great. We've got a problem worm that needs training.
What?
MMarvin
[whistles] Bring him in, fellas! Say hello to Butcher.
S13Goofy Scoopers
[The Goofy Manager is in front of Goofy Goober's, looking through some keys on a ring.]
[leaning in] Good morning!
GMGoofy Manager
[screams, scared] I don't carry cash! [freezes, then opens his eyes] Huh?[SpongeBob and Patrick are wearing peanut sleeping bags, in front of a tent and burnt-out campfire.]
GMGoofy Manager
[disappointed] It's you two.
We camped out all night to see the Gooey Sneakers.
Goofy Scoopers. [steps out of sleeping bag]
Yeah, them! [pokes head, making a hollow sound] They're gonna write on my head!
GMGoofy Manager
[sneaky] Well... about that... [SpongeBob and the manager go inside. Patrick doesn't move, and SpongeBob drags him and his sleeping bag inside.] The Goofy Scoopers are over. Too old fashioned. The kids want a new sound.
SPSpongeBob and Patrick
A new sound!?
GMGoofy Manager
[gestures to stage] That's right, I brought in an act you're going to flip over![The curtains open, revealing a robot of an ice cream cone wearing sunglasses, headphones, and a backwards cap. He stands at a stereo with a laptop on it and an insignia with two ice cream cones, labeled "2" and "S", on the side.] Say hello to... DJ 2 Sc00pz! [DJ 2 Sc00pz presses a button on his laptop. The background behind the stage shows a techno tunnel as EDM music plays. Kids run up and start dancing.]
[covering his ears] Sorry, but the Goofy Scoopers are the only ice cream themed musical robot act [folds his arms] we'll ever love.[SpongeBob opens his eyes to see Patrick dancing to DJ 2 Sc00pz's music.
[rhythmic grunting]
Patrick, don't give in to its seductive [imitates a robot] womp-womps and wub-wubs. Please, Mr. Manager, you have to tell us where the Scoopers are! [a thought bubble appears, growing and changing with each location listed] Are they playing at a coffee house? Are they playing the Bikini Bottom Bowl? Or on a world tour?
GMGoofy Manager
No! [waves the thought bubble away] Oh, my, no. [points behind him] I threw those old robots in the garbage. They're never playing anywhere again.
Patrick, it's Clem Clam!
[pounds his fists] Let's get him!
W-w-wait, Patrick. We're here to make friends with him, don't you remember?
Obviously, I do not.
[rubbing his chin] How are we gonna get him to play the show? [gets an idea] I got it! We'll appeal to his intellect with sound reasoning and convincing arguments!
[SpongeBob and Patrick grovel and beg in front of Clem, who is inflating balloons.]
[crying] Please!
[crying] We need you!
[crying] You gotta come back, you just gotta!
[ties balloon] You can cool it, cats. Whatever your scheme is, I'm in. [gives balloon to SpongeBob] Just get me out of this crazy circus. I'm terrified of clowns, man.
[A circus tent opens, revealing a clown with a yellow eyes and an evil smile, as honking and evil laughter is heard. Clem shudders.]
Well, that's great, Mr. Clem Clam, because tomorrow night, [puts his hand around Patrick] we're getting the band back together. Reunion show tomorrow night at Goofy Goober's. So far, you're the only one we've found, though.
You know, the circus's least flexible contortionist saw Bongos Bear [points right] at that massage place downtown, man.
S13Something Narwhal This Way Comes
[thunderclap] Sure! I can get rid of those nearwhal nimrods for ya. [chuckles] Their stupid family has being feuding with my stupid family for years!
Oh, I've seen it. Them Plankton sure know how to hold a grudge! [Her, Nobby, and Plankton agree]
Ah! [pulls up an old phone and spins the handle]
[The next scene shows Clem sleeping next to the phone ringing until he wakes up scared and answers the phone.]
How do?
[terrified yelling] Nearwhals!
PSPlankton's cousins
Nearwhals? Nearwhals? Nearwhals? Feud!
Voilà! Hm, huh?[Plankton's cousins come out of the phone and walk on him, SpongeBob, Narlene and Nobby hide behind a rock]
PSPlankton's cousins
Get them nearwhals!
NNearwhal
[dancing until he sees the plankton] Huh? [Plankton jumps and start biting them]
MAMa Angler (Plankton)
Consagrn nearwhals! [plankton start biting the nearwhal] Give 'em the itch, plankton! [they start biting the nearwhals]
S13C.H.U.M.S.
[The F.U.N. song starts playing on his headphones and splashes the windows with soap. He grabs the hose and it spins him around] Whoa, whoa! [Spraying the water to the soap in the letters] F is for friends who do stuff together, U is for you and me! [Sprays water inside him and he inflates to the third window and sprays out water to make an N] N is for anywhere and anytime at all! [point the hose up]
Eh? [the hose water splashes him and turns into a hand and slaps him.]
Down here in the deep blue sea!
[falls and tries to swim back up from the hose water but he falls into the sewer] Aah![Plankton comes out of a faucet and lands on Bubble Bass' toothbrush] Ooh!
BBBubble Bass' mom
Bubble Bass! Are you brushing your teeth?
Yes, mother! Ugh.
[Smells Bubble Bass' breath and gags. Bubble Bass starts to brush his teeth] Oh, no.
[While brushing his teeth, Plankton is grunting inside. He brushes his tongue, and his teeth and spits out. His teeth are then shiny.]
[falls down the drain until he ends up in a sewer] Yuck! This place is filthier than the bathroom in my own paternity house. Time to get outta here! [The sewer starts shaking] Aaah! Terrified, mind blank, possible wetting pants! Wait, I don't wear pants. Oh, lucky me! [an alligator appears behind him and Plankton whimpers until a group of chum scare it away] That's right, you better run! [looks behind him] Huh? [The C.H.U.M.S appear] Terror double ! Please, I'll do whatever you say! Just down hurt me! [Starts crying]
CHC.H.U.M. Leader
[bows down] We would never hurt the master! [The other C.H.U.M.S. bow down along with the leader]
Wait, what now?
CHC.H.U.M. Leader
We are praising you, the master creator! [They and the other C.H.U.M.S bow down]
S13There Will Be Grease!
Come on Krabs, there's gotta be some use of this stuff we can agree on![has an idea] Let's sell it to the military! Imagine... [imagines a thought bubble] fuel for flame throwers, lubricant for killer robots, bombs that smell like french fries! [chuckles]
We'll use it to boost business at the Krusty Krab [imagines a thought bubble]: A flavorful new sandwich topping, a savory new milkshake, and a lovely new scent for the restrooms!
[blows the thought bubble with a flamethrower] Oh no! We're not using my grease to drive customers to your restaurant! [Mr. Krabs starts growling at him] Why I outta!
Why, you! [they start fighting]
[takes and pours grease user a saucer into a bucket] Oh, gosh! I don't see why you need to find just one use for this stuff. I started using it for everything!
KPMr. Krabs and Plankton
[they stop fighting]
Huh?
Wha?
[A montage of him] Toothpaste, body wash, deodorant, shoe polish, all night face mask. Gary's breakfast, my own breakfast. It even cured my bursitis! What I mean is, if you can use it for anything, why not sell it for everything? [Mr. Krabs and Plankton's eyes turn into money signs]
[reading along with his finger] Dr. Krabton's Miracle Everything Juice. Not bad.
Well I do like breathing, I'll take the whole case!
Your grease gave me the pinkeye!
S13Potato Puff
Oh, Mrs. Puff! It's been so long. [hugs the potato] Did you miss me?
[via pager] Oh yes, SpongeBob. I missed you so much. It's so good to see you. From here.
Ooh, did you get a new hat? It really brings out all your eyes.
[sees the mashed potatoes with Mrs. Puff's hat and wig on it covered in gravy and gasps in terror] Mrs. Puff, you've been mashed! [starts crying; he rips out his eyes and uses them to blow his nose, he puts them back in and lies on the ground as his eyes turn into geysers of blue tears as he continues to cry]
[walks up to crying SpongeBob, puts on her hat with wig] Ahem.
[stops crying] Huh? She's alive! [hugs Mrs. Puff]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's SpongeBob SquarePants pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.