Krabs won't stand a chance against the staggering intellect of a million super-smart criminal masterminds! [doorbell rings] They're here! Welcome, brethren! [Plankton runs to the door and opens it with a big grin, which quickly fades into a look of disbelief; he sees a huge group of hick, redneck family members playing music; one of them begins to speak]
Clem[hick drawl] Hey, look, everybody! It's cousin Plankton!
I've been away from home longer than I thought. [Clem runs up and shakes Plankton's hand]
Clem
[hick drawl] Well, howdy, cousin! [Plankton stares at his hand, which is dripping after his cousin shook it]
Clem
It's me, Clem. O' course, you remember Zeke, Rufus, Jeke, Billy Bob, Billy Jim, Billy Billy Bo Willy Banana Fana Fo Filly, Doug, Enis... [Clem continues introducing the rest of the family; Plankton is crawling on the ground in exhaustion] Julio, Fletcher McGee, Rainchild, Zeke Junior...
Alright! I get it! I mean, uh, come inside. Make yourselves at home.
[Sam builds a new bigger house made of sand for Patrick. After finishing, she takes the antenna off of Patrick's rock and puts it onto a sand rock]
Sister Sam loves to make rock for brubber.
Well, make rock somewhere else. My house is full of sand.
If Big Nose no like sand, Big Nose move! [pushes Squidward's house away]
This is way beyond my property line. Hey, Patrick, that oaf makes a better bulldozer than a sister! [laughs] Construction humor.
No, no, don't be upset with Squidward. He doesn't mean it, don't you, Squidward?
Oh, I mean it, alright. She's a big buffoon, like Patrick. Except bigger, and dumber, and buffoonier. [Sam starts huffing]
[scared] Oh, Squidward, you jokester. [Sam keeps huffing]
Do you think she looks a little miffed?
[huffs angrily, then starts crying] Those boys mean! They pick on Sister Sam!
Shame on you two! Look what you've done!
[Sam cries so hard that her tears fling Squidward and SpongeBob. Squidward falls face first into the sand and SpongeBob falls onto a seahorse-shoe toss pole]
TTuck
Golly-doo-diddley, Clem, that was a nice toss!
Clem
Weren't me, Tuck. My money's on the little missy over yonder.
Aww, hey, sis, don't listen to those meanies. Hey, the new rock is looking kinda boring. What do you say we decorate it?
[sniffles and smiles] Blecorate?
You can call it whatever you like, sis, just as long as we make it spiffy!
[Squidward empties sand out of head]
[walks up to Squidward's house] Make new house spiffy. [takes the window off of Squidward's house] Spiffy!
Hey, you can't do that! That's my window!
[puts the window onto the antenna on a sand rock and laughs] Blecorate.
Oh no, that's definitely not the spirit, Patrick. Your sister is out of control!
Hey, ya just mind your own business and let us «blecorate» in peace!
You can blecor---- decorate until the sea cows come home for all I care, just do not use my property to do it! [takes off the antennae-window and stammers as he stops to look at something in shock]
[dismantles more part from Squidward's house and puts it on the sand rock] More spiffy!
But that's from... [looks at his somewhat horribly dismantled house] MY HOUSE! That's it! I have had my fill of this thieving brute!
Well, how dare you call my sister a thief, just 'cause she took some of your things...
Easy now, gents, let's not let tempers flare. Now don't you think, Patrick, that it's a teensie bit unfair that sister Sam dismantled Squidward's house?
No, I don't. Not even a teensie, eensie, teensie bit. I see now that not only have you turned against my sister, you've turned on your best friend as well! [cries]
It's not like that at all, Patrick. I was just-
[sees her brother crying] Shush! Meanies make brubber's eyes water! [grabs SpongeBob and Squidward] Meanies go home! [headbutts them to their homes]
Come on, sis. They can't bother us under our rock.
Meanies is mean. [the sand rock closes]
[pounds his fists] Let's get him!
W-w-wait, Patrick. We're here to make friends with him, don't you remember?
[rubbing his chin] How are we gonna get him to play the show? [gets an idea] I got it! We'll appeal to his intellect with sound reasoning and convincing arguments!
[SpongeBob and Patrick grovel and beg in front of Clem, who is inflating balloons.]
[crying] You gotta come back, you just gotta!
Clem
[ties balloon] You can cool it, cats. Whatever your scheme is, I'm in. [gives balloon to SpongeBob] Just get me out of this crazy circus. I'm terrified of clowns, man.
[A circus tent opens, revealing a clown with a yellow eyes and an evil smile, as honking and evil laughter is heard. Clem shudders.]
Well, that's great, Mr. Clem Clam, because tomorrow night, [puts his hand around Patrick] we're getting the band back together. Reunion show tomorrow night at Goofy Goober's. So far, you're the only one we've found, though.
Clem
You know, the circus's least flexible contortionist saw Bongos Bear [points right] at that massage place downtown, man.
[The next scene shows Clem sleeping next to the phone ringing until he wakes up scared and answers the phone.]
Clem
How do?
[terrified yelling] Nearwhals!
PSPlankton's cousins
Nearwhals? Nearwhals? Nearwhals? Feud!
Voilà! Hm, huh?[Plankton's cousins come out of the phone and walk on him, SpongeBob, Narlene and Nobby hide behind a rock]
PSPlankton's cousins
Get them nearwhals!
NNearwhal
[dancing until he sees the plankton] Huh? [Plankton jumps and start biting them]
MAMa Angler (Plankton)
Consagrn nearwhals! [plankton start biting the nearwhal] Give 'em the itch, plankton! [they start biting the nearwhals]
SpongeBob SquarePants · 1,068 quotes
