Cartman, you remember how we all spent the night at Kenny's a couple of days ago?
CartmanI remember frozen waffles with no side dishes.
Cartman, our parents sent us over to catch chickenpox from Kenny.
Yeah, dude, your mom wanted you to have herpes on your face.
Cartman
She what?!
It's some kind of parental conspiracy. Our parents are trying to kill us or something.
Cartman
That bitch! I'm going to go downstairs and kick her square in the nuts!
No, no, no. Come on fat-boy, we're going to get them all back.
Cartman
Well, what a day this has been. I was on TV and I'm a hero. [Cartman's mother appears after he picks his nose]
Don't pick your nose, hon.
Cartman
GOD DAMN IT, MOM, I WASN'T PICKING IT! I HAD AN ITCH!!
You suck now, Cartman. And to be honest, If you want to play America vs. Bosnia, why don't you just play with Kenny.
Yeah. I'll bet he would like it.
Cartman
That's fine! I like playing America vs. Bosnia with Kenny! I'll play with him every single day!
[Kenny laughs]
Cartman
What?
[Bebe tries to pass a note to Kyle from across the room]
Stanley, are you passing notes to Kyle?
Don't lie! Lying makes you sterile!
I'm not lying! Someone just handed me--
Stanley, if you think it's so important to keep interrupting my class, then why don't you come up to the front and read your note to Kyle for everyone to hear.
But I didn't write the note!
Cartman
Mr. Garrison, Stan's behavior is having an adverse effect on my education.
Stanley Marsh, you come up here right now and read your note!
"Dear Kyle, you have got such a great ass. I could sleep for days on those perk cheeks, let me tell you. I'd like to live with you and wear your ass as a hat for all eternity." Whoa, dude!
[the boys have decided to enter Cartman into a bull riding contest]
Cartman
What the hell makes you think "Cartman rides a bull?"
[throttling Cartman by his neck, through gritted-in-fury teeth] Because you spent all of our money on those stupid rides, fatass! Now, either you're getting on a bull or I'm gonna BREAK YOUR FUCKING HEAD OPEN!!!!
Cartman
O-kay, I'll get on a bull.
All right! Now, come on! We have to practice!
[To Cartman.] He really wants those dolls.
Cartman
I guess, damn!
MMary
That ride wasn't very good.
Now, Mary, you promised me we'd try to have a good time.
MMary
You're right. I'm sorry, honey, I'll try and have a good time.
KKid
I drove all the way from Montana to see Mr. Hankey.
That's nice, kid. I knew Mr. Hankey before he was even famous.
Cartman
How the hell did Mr. Hankey get so popular? Look at all this Mr. Hankey stuff. [a display is seen of Mr. Hankey caps, T-shirts, cups, figurines, and posters]
EElvin
Mr. Hankey kicks ass!
Cartman
And another thing: it says that Mr. Hankey is also appearing at the Crossroads Mall!
Cartman
So, how can Mr. Hankey be here, and in another mall at the same time?
Dude, Mr. Hankey has magic powers. He can do whatever he wants. [Charlie Manson and Kenny stare at each other. The line moves up]
MManson
[to Kenny] How would you like to come with me to a more secluded part of the mall?
Cartman
Oh, it looks like you finished your Fudgecicle, Elvin.
[Elvin looks at his hands and actually realize that he finished his fudgesicle, then begins to cry, demanding another one]
Cartman
Ah damnit, be quiet, Elvin!
[Elvin is still crying]
Cartman
Shut up, Elvin!
[grabs a stick from out of nowhere and hits him on the back of the head. Elvin is now catatonic, but manages a blink]
Cartman
No, Elvin, BAD Elvin! [seeing that Elvin is not responding, he looks around]
[Tweek is worried about his family becoming poor]
Cartman
You can always go on welfare. Just look at Kenny's family, they're perfectly happy being poor and they're on welfare. Right, Kenny?
Cartman
Heh-heh, you suck, Kenny.
Cartman
Oh, you're taking us to your little pussy house?
No, pussy, I'm taking you to my village!
Cartman
Oh, your pussy village?
Cartman, will you just shut up and let him show us?
Good job, Cartman, you killed Kyle!
Cartman
Well, he shouldn't have called me fat!
Why the hell not? That's like calling the sky blue!
Cartman
Well, screw him, he's dead! Let's go look for crocodiles!
AOAustralian Outback Guy
[examining dirt] I think he came through here recently.
Cartman
[imitating Australian Outback Guy] Yeah, I think the same thing.
Well where the heck is he? We have to get him back to the lab!
MDr. Mephisto
He can't function out here in our time!
AOAustralian Outback Guy
Calm down, calm down!
Cartman
[imitating Australian Outback Guy] Yeah, calm down, calm down, you sons of bitches!
South Park · 1,569 quotes
