TV show quotes
I just thought Phill. Did anyone ... um ... sort out that massive anvil hanging above your head?
Actually they didn't, no, which seems a bit foolish because it is now hanging by one thread...
Oh. But it's been up there for all these years, it's not going to fall down now, not in the middle of this show.
It wouldn't fall down, no.
This has been Never Mind the Buzzcocks and do join us -
Oh no! [Runs across to Phill, who is lying on the floor unconcious] Phill! Phill! Don't leave Phill! [Looks up to the ceiling] WHY?
[voiceover] Well, after the triple drama of the Eastern Europian Loansharks, gas explosion and falling anvil, will Phill survive? Tune in to Never Mind the Buzzcocks next week at 9pm on BBC2 to find out. Oh, go on. Please!
With regulars Simon Amstell and Phill Jupitus
With guests James Corden (Guest captain), Germaine Greer, Glenn Wool, Gabriella Climi and James Allen.
Thanks, hi! Hello, and welcome to the show! Well, look. We're almost halfway through the run, and the data has just come back from our market and research team. The word is this series is only slightly worse than the last one! What about that, people! [applause] Only slightly worse! Good news! But to avoid further decline, because there could be further decline, we've had Britain's finest minds working through the night to come up with a solid rescue plan, and here it is.
[The screen behind Simon flashes the message: "LOWER YOUR EXPECTATIONS - SLIGHTLY." The people laugh at that.]
That should do it, right?
[during Identity Parade]
2 looks like he's going to kill me! I haven't even said anything! What's wrong?
I think he thinks you dissed public transport!
Why did you leave Australia, Germaine?
With regulars Simon Amstell and Phill Jupitus
With guests Jack Dee (Guest captain), Alexei Sayle, Lisa Maffia,Stine Bramwell and Anna Richardson
If it was anything like So Solid, we've got banned for abs- for absolutely.. OK, yeah we did do bad themes but..y'know-
When you said 'we', which one of the nine hundred..and twenty members of So Solid Crew?
No, we was banned from playing certain shows..in certain places..
You said So Solid was banned from this very building earlier. How did you get in..-
Oh yeahh! On Top of The Pops days 'cos they were smoking the good stuff.
Or as we call here at the BBC; the illegal stuff.
We're all just gonna have a nice pop quiz tonight. There's a question... what's the answer?
Was it like, 'Would you like some nuts, madam?' 'No thanks', (making his right hand as a gun) 'I SAID D'YOU WANT SOME NUTS!? D'YOU SOME NUTS!? BITCH! D'YOU WANT SOME NUTS!?'
No, it was more like, it was more like (loud and high pitched) "WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO!?"
So you've been on Ryanair...
You can't intimidate a heckler in a bunny suit. Try it; You're shit! Get off!
[high-pitched voice] I'm a rabbit!
I don't care! You're still shit, and you're a shit rabbit!
[high-pitched voice] Stop saying shit!
See? you can't intimidate me, can you?
[high-pitched voice] No...
Now that song that you've got, 'Boyfriend', it was inspired by a film about two lesbians?
That's true,yeah.
I assume that the film was about them feeling ashamed of what they've done and that they'll never do it again?
[giggles] Obviously,yes,yes.
Good,good. And you're not a lesbian yourself, are you?
Umm no. Did you think so?
Phew. Well I was concerned.
Concerned?
We can't have lesbians on the show.
Really? [laughs]
Oh good. You're not a uh.. [to audience] Are there any lesbians in the audience?
Yes!
Oh then you better leave! [points to the exit] Not tonight. We need a lesbian-free show. I don't even want a small one.. [laughs/snorts] Ah Jack Dee?
I'm not a lesbian,no.
Tell us about that, what was in it, what did you find out, what did you discover?
I think the most shocking revelation was that most teenagers have absolutely no idea basically about STIs.
When I was a teenager, I had no idea about STIs. ..My god, I do now.
Does this.. sort of thing need to be in our living rooms? Does it? Really..?
Can you tell me what the #1 STI is, Simon?
Umm..
Have you been checked?
Have I been checked?
Yeah.
As an employee of the BBC... (laughter) There is no need for me to be checked because I've never..had sex.
To be honest, in that outfit, I can see why. (Simon is wearing a bunny suit)
If this doesn't get me laid then I don't know what will. I'm adorable!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Never Mind the Buzzcocks pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
