With regulars Simon Amstell, Bill Bailey and Phill Jupitus
With guests Joel Pott, Kimberly Stewart, Jessica Hynes, Lethal Bizzle
S2121x01
I don't really think that Girls Aloud are boring. Or The Kooks aren't that good. Or that Westlife are a tired and vile disease who prey on mentally ill Woolworths shoppers, who found it acceptable to cover a Michael Buble song from two years ago, and should be subjected to a marathon punching and gouging session before being stabbed in the legs, burnt alive, and then stuffed and hung in the British Museum under a sign that reads "Dead Old Shit". It's just a fun pop quiz!
Are we supposed to like Kate Nash? I haven't done this show for so long, I've forgotten who we're supposed to hate... I like her... is she on Facebook?
JJoel
She must be.
Let's poke her and find out.
BBill
She's on, err, all of those... mybibble and, and bobble and swizzle and bizzle, what they called? She's on one of them.
She's been on Bizzle?
LLethal
Who's that?
BBill
Are you on Myspace? Are you Myspaced up?
LLethal
Yeah I'm on Myface.
BBill
My... Myface?
LLethal
Myspace
Is Kate Nash on your face or not? I need to know?
BBill
I hate that, people who... like, nick your herbs out of your trolley. You're planning a really nice casserole, you got all the herbs, and somebody nicks the herbs out of your trolley. It's not theft, technically, cause you haven't paid for it.
Bill's next song... ooh, took my chives, took my chives, took my chives! Ooh took my chives!
Nash said that one of her one hundred and nine thousand friends on Myspace said he wanted to put a bomb up my cunt.
[Laughter]
You may laugh, but the metropolitan police had to evacuate the area... and it was six hours before normal service was resumed.
Is your marriage in trouble?
JJessica
Oh, Simon.
Is it alright? Is it okay?
JJessica
Would you be interested if I said it was?
Yeah, let's talk about it.
JJessica
I've got a lot of feelings for you... basically. I kinda wanna wrestle you and kiss you at the same time.
We could do that.
JJessica
Do many people say that to you? I bet they do.
There's a nice area in front of the desk...
JJessica
Do you want to wrestle?
Have a bit of a wrestle.
JJessica
Okay, come on.
[They begin to hesitantly wrestle. Simon grabs Jessica's waist and tries to lift her over his shoulder, Jessica pushes him on the floor and grabs his foot before pinning him down. They return to their seats]
What that was good for was like a 'best of' package.
[Jessica guesses an intro correctly]
She's so smug isn't she Kimberly? Very smug. What a bitch. What a bitch that Jessica Hynes is... comes here, with her career.
George Bush claims that he has 'My Sharona' on his iPod, but mainly to drown out the screams of thousands of dead Iraqi children.
[Simon put up a picture of a field of flowers with kittens as a way of claiming that the show is only a quiz and shouldn't be taken seriously]
You're gonna need a bigger kitten.
All there silly jokes that we doing about, oh, you should get a job, I mean... why should you have a job! It's ridiculous!
KKimberly
Oh, stupid me, getting a job!
I mean, what do they want you to do?
KKimberly
I don't know!
Achieve something?!? Bastards!
KKimberly
It's just so stupid!
Not everyone can do what you do. You have a, eh, individual talent... when did you first realize that you had what it took to be Rod Stewart's daughter?
[About the line up]
JJessica
[not taking her eyes off him] Number four... uh, I'm concerned for... because he has a haunted look that... is chilling me to the bone...
And after all that... oh, it's a tie, rendering this whole thing completely pointless!
S2121x02
With regulars Simon Amstell and Phill Jupitus
With guest captain Noel Fielding and guests Katy Brand, Jermaine Jackson, David Cross, and Ryan Jarman
By the way, David Cross is a big American star. (to David) We were worried you wouldn't know what the hell anyone is talking about, I've written out some pop facts for you (hands David some cards) just so you can use them and if you need them at any point, then they're there.
Okay... (reading from a card) "Mis-Teeq's Sabrina has the middle name Frederica!" (to the audience) It's true! It's really true!
You know what? This is kind of weird... (reading from a card) "Kavarna thinks that Italy is the most romantic country in the world, and he would love to live there one day!" People are weird.
(whispers to David) Kavana.
Kavana is what... (audience laughter and applause) Kavana is what he refers to himself... in public... but those who truly know him, like myself...
(After Noel's team's Intros round, where Ryan has failed to get either Intro correct)
Don't worry, Ryan, it's alright. You look a bit upset. Don't worry about it.
Here, read that to yourself. (hands Ryan one of his cards)
RRyan
(reading from the card) "Sinéad from B*Witched says the most nervewracking thing she's ever done is sit a piano exam."
Do you feel better now?
RRyan
...I do actually.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Never Mind the Buzzcocks pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.