Simon quotes from Never Mind the Buzzcocks

Simon

Hello there and welcome to Never Mind The Buzzcocks. I'm Simon Amstell. And if you think I'm a poor booking, let's meet tonight's guests!

Simon

I just suggested that she might have gone a bit nuts recently...and she took that personally...

Simon

I can see now why Mark gets angry all the time.

Simon

Britney Spears' CD's are used by German farmers to keep wild boars from eating their crops. Meanwhile, Tina Turner's Greatest Hits are used at Gloucestershire airport to scare birds from the runway. They originally tried Ronan Keating's album, but the birds kept hurling themselves into jet engines.

Simon

This has been Never Mind the Buzzcocks, I've been Simon Amstell. And before I go back to youth television..."Bollocks"!

Simon

Hello there and welcome to the exciting new series of Never Mind the Buzzcocks. New set, new titles, new host. I guess what I'm trying to say is...welcome to the last series of Never Mind the Buzzcocks.

Simon

Lorraine from Deacon Blue has a recurring nightmare where the band are playing to a baying crowd without the correct instruments. I have a recurring nightmare that I'm stuck in the middle of a baying crowd watching Deacon Blue.

Simon

Only joking, I've never heard of you.

Simon

With this new show, "Perfect Housewife", did they say to you, "Look, we'd love you to have your own show, you just need a skill". And you went away for five years and you said "I'm really good at tidying! I can fold! Towels! I can put a toothbrush in a cup!".

Simon

Ricky, has anything like that ever happened to you in your career like that? Have you ever...thrown a lollipop at a famous star?

Simon

Waxed, buffed, full leather interior, slight smell of sick, some rear end damage. It's Girls Aloud!

Simon

You can't say the word in front of Anthea 'cause I haven't got an umbrella.

Simon

[To Ricky Ross] Paul Young, he's on the show next week. I've heard of him.

Simon

Still going after seven years due to the unfortunate lack of murder, it's Westlife!

Simon

Erg, awful people.

Simon

Nowadays in show business, you haven't really made it unless you've been slagged off by Lily Allen- [A man delivers a letter] "Dear Simon...."....oh...apparently I'm a twat!...Nothing about you, Vanessa.