Do you feel closer now to the So Solid Crew or the cabin crew?
S2222x07
I honestly have no clue how to do that one.
JJack
It's great having you on the team.
Stine, I'm so warm.
Are you? [laughs] Well get out of your..weird bunny suit then.
Why don't you get out of your weird bunny suit?
But I'm not wearing a bunny suit.
Your mum's a bunny suit.
Would you do other shows than this.. what about CelebArmy?
LLisa
Only if I could kick arse.
That would be nice, wouldn't it? You'd go to Afghanistan with Chico.
LLisa
Yeap yeah!
What time is it? It's War Time.
AAnna
Kylie's looking quite hot for me. What do you think, Jack?
Yeah definitely.
NOO! Not lesbianism!
JJack
Doesn't have to be lesbianism.
JJack
[rolls his eyes]
People just didn't like the idea of you having sex there. Now why's that?
JJack
Um..-
Are you a grumpy lover?
JJack
Yeah must be. OK then. Well, [grumpily] 'I hope you liked it'.
JJack
[trying to solve the line-up question then looks at Anna]
AAnna
Don't blame it on me if it's wrong.
Don't pick up anything from Anna.
S2222x08
With regulars Simon Amstell and Phill Jupitus
With guests Davina McCall (Guest captain), Kelly Jones, Mitch Hewer and Alesha Dixon.
Does he wash up?
AAlesha
Never wash up.
Correct. Alesha Dixon, "The Boy Does Nothing". Does he clean up?
AAlesha
No, he never cleans up.
Correct. Alesha Dixon, "The Boy Does Nothing". Does he brush up?
AAlesha
Never brushed up.
Correct. Alesha Dixon, "The Boy Does Nothing".
S2222x10
With regulars Simon Amstell and Phill Jupitus
With guests Dermot O'Leary (Guest captain), Dappy, Robert Webb, Arlene Phillips and Keith Murray.
Before we start, I'd like to address something. Like all of you, I am deeply upset and probably traumatized by the bad language infecting television today. And I can't sit here any longer and let this potty mouth culture contaminate the nation. There was a time when we didn't rely on disgusting and offensive language. For example...[pulls out his kitten, Toby, to the amusement of the audience]...take this innocent...[pauses to let the crowd laugh]...yeah. Take this innocent, and naive kitten. He's called Toby. He's only 10 weeks old, and he likes being tickled on the tummy. [tickles kitten] Just like that. And if any of our guests swear tonight, I am going to have murder Toby! [lets crowd laugh while he places Toby under the desk while Phill makes a face] It's for the best. And firmly biting his tongue for the good of the nation tonight, it's our guest captain, ITV filth monger, Dermot O'Leary! [applause]
Those are the teams, by Jove I've just defecated in my trousers.
What are you talking about? Do you do it all in that funny voice just to wind up the contestants?
I've got a minute and a half to think of what I'm going to say, and then it all just comes burbling out.
It's wonderful.
Just.. anything that I read in the newspaper that morning that might have--
It's nice that you keep it topical. "Your dancing was like terrorism."
You were famously very mean to that John Sergeant fellow recently.
No, not as mean as I was made out to be.
You called him... a dancing pig?
No, I didn't!
You called him a steaming turdface.
No! Not that either.
You said "We should cut his arms and legs off and put him in a box."
Keith, what do you prefer, Strictly Come Dancing or the X Factor? Do you prefer the one where the mentally ill people get to sing, or the one where the mentally ill people get to judge?
I haven't the foggiest idea what any of you are talking about.
You don't know about the X-Factor? That's the show I do!
Demort, I assure you...big fan!
[Dermot raises his arm triumphantly]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Never Mind the Buzzcocks pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.