With guest host James Corden and regulars Noel Fielding and Phill Jupitus
With guests Janeane Garofalo, Tom Clarke, Paloma Faith, and Ben Miller
S2323x01
Hello, and welcome to a brand new series of Never Mind the Buzzcocks. I'm James Corden, I'm your host this week, and we welcome back our new permanent team captain, Mr. Noel Fielding! [applause] Now I know what you're all thinking. This is the show where you come on and you get mocked by a cruel host. Well, look; not anymore. Okay? Not on my watch. I mean, you can be short, or fat, or old, or weird, or American, or...[looks at Paloma]...uh, don't know what that is!
Those are our teams. Let's clap and make a pop quiz!
[after Paloma has sang an excerpt of her song Stone Cold Sober upon James' request]
I'm slighty in love with Paloma!
Noel, when you're giving the loving look to Paloma, can you make sure you give it to her? Because I just got a flash of it then. Got a flash of it myself and I started ovulating!
I'm thinking that for the first sort of gift on a date it'd have to be a rainbow. I'd have to give your section of a rainbow.
[Paloma gasps dreamily]
Paloma just went, [imitates her], like it could actually happen! Like that was a possible gift!
But that's the problem, see, is people don't believe in these things anymore and they should!
They don't believe in what?
We've all got rainbow saws. Where was yours? They're like hacksaws, but they're longer!
It's just so wonderful, if you would just join us...
I know, but this is the thing. You want to know what? The only problem here...he's doing this for comic effect. You're actually being serious!
[Everybody laughs and applauds again]
Janeane, I imagine you're a big fan of Blue?
JJaneane
I like their early stuff.
[during a game of Next Lines]
One for the money and the free rides...
...two for the go-karts and the windmills!
[during a game of Next Lines]
Last year, I'm so 3008...
...come in and shut the garden gate!
[during a game of Next Lines]
They call me her. They call me Jane...
...they call me Trixie! They call me Penny! They call me Angela! They call me Sue!
At the end of that, Noel's team have 8. Phill's team, you've got 3.
[Paloma starts making a "come here" gesture]
You've also got Paloma.
I'll enjoy this, no matter what happens.
You bet you are!
Paloma, I love your outfit. It's one ot the best I've ever seen.
Thank you very much.
You look like a children's bullfighter!
[Everybody laughed while James laughed even more hysterically]
So here we are. I've got my fact sheet on Paloma. Paloma is a prolific do-gooder. She once put a pair of Kylie Minogue tickets in her local records shop in the hope that they would find a good home. [the audience awws and applauds as Paloma blows a kiss] They were used tickets! Old tickets!
That's not true!
BBen
And then she told everybody about it!
I didn't! I told one journalist!
[Everybody cracks up while James laughs even more hysterically]
S2323x02
With guest host Rhod Gilbert and regulars Noel Fielding and Phill Jupitus
With guests Greg Davies, Martin Kemp, Jeremy Reynolds (Hockey), and Gabby Logan
Hello, and welcome to Never Mind the Buzzcocks! I am Rhod Gilbert, Wales' answer to the question "Oi, Wales, who's that comedian of yours - no, not Rob Brydon - the other one who keeps trying to convince us to visit your shitty country?"
GGreg
Last time I went home to visit my mum, for some strange reason we ended up watching a Marilyn Manson video together, and at the end of it after hed been screaming with his wonky eye and stuff and it sort of faded out, there was just this awkward silence, and she turned to me and went... (tuts) "what a wally!"
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Never Mind the Buzzcocks pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.