Guest Host - Simon Amstell
With regulars Bill Bailey and Phill Jupitus
With guests Nick Knowles, Kenzie, Russell Howard and Aaron Gilbert.
S1818x02
Hello there and welcome to Never Mind The Buzzcocks. I'm Simon Amstell. And if you think I'm a poor booking, let's meet tonight's guests!
[Being asked how he made Britney Spears cry]
I just suggested that she might have gone a bit nuts recently...and she took that personally...
[Bill's team is coming up with nonsense answers to the question]
I can see now why Mark gets angry all the time.
I quite like you, Nick. My mum actually says she quite fancies you.
NNick
Is that right?
She says '"He's got a lovely big face".
Britney Spears' CD's are used by German farmers to keep wild boars from eating their crops. Meanwhile, Tina Turner's Greatest Hits are used at Gloucestershire airport to scare birds from the runway. They originally tried Ronan Keating's album, but the birds kept hurling themselves into jet engines.
[In Connected, Phill's team have to work out the connection between Ian Brown and Wet Wet Wet]
This is the same Wet Wet Wet as "Love Is All Around" Wet Wet Wet?
Yeah. Seventeen weeks at number one, a third of the year.
Well, fucking hell! (Audience laughter)
Ah, the wisdom of youth(!)
(to Kenzie) How young are you?
I've just turned twenty.
Okay. Kenzie is sweet, isn't he? Isn't Kenzie sweet? (Some audience members say "yes") Why don't you tell the nice BBC viewers what your song "Flip Reverse It" was all about?
Um...women...
Women?! It was about anal in a truck! (Audience laughter) Offended by seventeen weeks! But the idea of bumming a lady in a Mazda? Fine.
I've got a girl friend at the moment, whats she going to think about this?
I dunno...can she sit?
We're going by our human names to be taken more seriously.
Your human names?! Well, I think that's worked, Kenzie.
[About Blazin' Squad]
Four are starting Blazin' Squad up again, one's going solo...and two have gone out and got jobs.
[In the Intros round, after hearing an intro]
NNick
Ah, I see it now.
You see it now? Shall I give you a point for seeing it now?
NNick
Would help. 'Cause they just got a point. So we could equalize by my recognizing it afterwards. [To Bill] This could work very well for us.
Hang on, hang on. I've lost control of the whole thing. I feel like I'm the supply teacher and you're...you're just not respecting me as you should.
NNick
Play the track and I'll see if I can guess which one of them is going to take the lead and which one's going to do the-
How about you be quiet, and stop throwing chalk, Knowles! Hmmm? It's your own time you're wasting!
NNick
I just thought I might get one of these. You know what I mean? You sit at home and watch the program and think, "I could do that". And you sort of shout at the screen. And...now I feel like a tit.
NNick
Forget I spoke.
Okay. Always do.
[Being teased by Simon]
NNick
Er.. bovvered? Face?
BBill
Wide.
I imagine when Kenzie started singing then, the ears of the other members of the Squad just pricked up. Like funky meercats..."Kenzie's in trouble, put that mouse down!"
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Never Mind the Buzzcocks pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.