PPhil
Sunday afternoon, lot of cars in a field selling gear out the back.
EKEmmy-Kate
Incorrect. That's a car boot sale. What a booty call is, is we're all very aware about pregnancy in pop recently, and here we have an example, not this lady (points to the screen), but the other one, Mel. She's pregnant.
EKEmmy-Kate
She has needs, other needs. She has to make these needs known. She has to phone Mothercare and order baby clothes, little booties...
I got where you're coming from. No.
It's actually something that pirates do, like "Jim, lad, we've found the treasure!"
Tom Robinson and his "pieces of eight" material, ladies and gentlemen.
PPhil
It's an 0898 number for pirates. (as a pirate) "Arr, looking to call a pirate? Want to talk to other pirates? Call 0898..."
Um, I wish "Sussudio" was Phil Collins' dying words.
. . .
I think it's of some reference to masturbation. Seriously, there's a bit...
What, cause he did that (imitates Phil Collins playing air slap bass) in the middle? What a show off.
Goes like that in the middle and then goes to the microphone, doesn't he?
You do that when you're wanking?
(imitating Keith) Pass the microphone. What are you on about?
Keith, I think all of us, apart from maybe Tom grew up as kids watching you on television, don't want to know about you masturbating. There are only so many mental pictures I can file away, and that ain't gonna be one of them.
PPhil
No wonder you were so perky on "Saturday Superstore"!
"Cheggers GOES Pop"! Let's leave and come back! We turned up in the studio, there was some load of old wank about pirates, and then Cheggers started talking about walloping, it was a nightmare! What a nightmare night out!
I call it "walloping", yeah!
Have you never heard of "bashing the bishop"?
Not in front of Neil, his dad is a bishop!
NNeil
I bashed him furiously!
(referring to Durst) He's just really eager hitching isn't he? "My way or highway!"
Well it's very very hard to get to Uality these days.
I think he looks a bit like David Beckham in a funny fairground mirror at the end. David Beckham went up to one of those mirrors that's what he would look like.
And that's the connection?
Quite importantly can I just say looking at Victoria Beckham...
Is it gonna be funny what you're gonna say?
I'd imagine so, or I wouldn't be saying it...
(as Fairbrass) Oooh, press on, Mark! Press on!
Looking at the Victoria Beckham thing, it's very important this time of year, a timely reminder to kids, never ever return to the lit firework once it's been...
PPhil
It must be something to do with the fact that actually, she only eats a biscuit for lunch or something like that... (we see a flash of bright lights and hear a clap of thunder)
(in a deeply electronically processed voice) The voice of rock!
PPhil
I see I'm the fall guy in this equation, but okay. (Phill laughs) (to Fairbrass) Do you think he's stereotyping us at all? Richard, shall we swap roles? Maybe I'll do the camp bits and...
Oh yeah, you're gonna be editor of Kerrang! for a long time if you're doing the camp bits!
PPhil
What are you saying?
At least it might mean that some of your readers can have sex! (thunder and lightning) It's worked for you, Fairbrass!
It is true to say I that have been a player of the pink oboe. And I can raise a real tune on it occasionally...
...but not for some time.
(laughs) It's the idea of him in bed with someone and, just the duvet, and underneath the duvet... (hums PEnnsylvania 6-5000)
If you know the holes to put your finger on you can play a tune! (to Mark) You're always like this when I'm on the show!
We should just go out, kiss and get it over with.
Let's kiss now. Let's do the gay Buzzcocks kiss. (a female audience member shouts "Ugh!". Fairbrass laughs and points at the audience member, while Mark and the audience laugh.) I think they meant "Ooh, he's gonna to kiss Mark!"
I like flushing your mouth.
That's the last thing you'll get, a kiss maybe. You're not flushing me out I'll tell you that! You can see why it's been six series before we've had him back!
I've moved house, you lost my address or something.
I'm a big fan of The Klaxons,of course.
JJamie
Thank you very much.
There's you, you're Jamie from The Klaxons.
There's also James from The Klaxons.
JJamie
Yes. He's better-looking than me isn't he?
JJamie
I know. [whispers] That's why I got him in. [laughs]
Do you um.. do people ever get confused & booked you, for a tv show, thinking it's him?
JJamie
Now.. [waits for audience to stop] I don't mean to be funny but I think it happens for us whether or not I'm sitting quite close to this man here [points at Phil]
PPhil
No, I wanted the big,lumpy one. [points at Jamie]
Was it like, 'Would you like some nuts, madam?' 'No thanks', (making his right hand as a gun) 'I SAID D'YOU WANT SOME NUTS!? D'YOU SOME NUTS!? BITCH! D'YOU WANT SOME NUTS!?'
No, it was more like, it was more like (loud and high pitched) "WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO!?"
PPhil
So you've been on Ryanair...
(during a playing of Next Lines)
(as David Bowie) It's "jamming good with Weird and Gilly".
You got it right, Edith! My goodness. Fantastic. It was "jamming good with Weird and Gilly", from David Bowie's Ziggy Stardust... the loveable... chap that he is...
Was it really that bad an interview, Terry? Come on, tell us.
What did he do, Terry? Show us on the puppet what David Bowie did to you. (laughter)
(to Phill) Sometimes you want to know a little bit too much. (Phill laughs) "He's the devil divine, I'm so glad that he's mine..."
PPhil
(as Bowie) I don't know this one! (laughter)
"...'cause he's my big, bad, handsome man."
Yeah, of course. That's one of yours, Imelda.
...
"You're answering questions that have not yet been asked..."
(as Bowie) ...it was a shit interview, Terry! (laughter) Afterwards, you called me a prick! (laughter and applause as the end-of-round jingle plays)
Never Mind the Buzzcocks · 480 quotes
