With regulars Simon Amstell and Phill Jupitus
With guests Johnny Vegas (Guest captain), Harry Judd, Kate Jackson, Danny Dyer and Rhys Darby.
There is bad news. The ratings are not as high as we would like them to be, it's pretty serious, the team and I have had a long chat about it, and you know what? We're not going to pull any contrived, attention-grabbing stunts to boost the ratings tonight. No! We are sticking to the same award-winning quiz format that we all know and love. Right people? [Audience replies, "Yeah!"] OK. By the way, Phill, did you move that leaking gas canister away from the naked flame under your desk?
No, but I'm sure it'll be alright Simon.
Good, OK, I'm sure it won't go off, not when the cameras are rolling.
By the way, Phill, want happened to the Eastern European Loansharks you were having trouble with? Are they still on your back?
Oh no, they're all sorted out Simon, they shouldn't be any trouble at all.
Oh good good. I'm sure they won't bother you any time soon, certainly not during a televised show record.
I imagine not.
I just thought Phill. Did anyone ... um ... sort out that massive anvil hanging above your head?
Actually they didn't, no, which seems a bit foolish because it is now hanging by one thread...
Oh. But it's been up there for all these years, it's not going to fall down now, not in the middle of this show.
It wouldn't fall down, no.
This has been Never Mind the Buzzcocks and do join us -
Oh no! [Runs across to Phill, who is lying on the floor unconcious] Phill! Phill! Don't leave Phill! [Looks up to the ceiling] WHY?
[voiceover] Well, after the triple drama of the Eastern Europian Loansharks, gas explosion and falling anvil, will Phill survive? Tune in to Never Mind the Buzzcocks next week at 9pm on BBC2 to find out. Oh, go on. Please!
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