Phill's Team: Gary Barlow & Tony Wright (Terrorvision)
Sean's Team: Edwyn Collins & Jeff Green
S22x02
(In Indecipherable Lyrics, Phill's team are given "Open the Gate" by Dutch heavy metal band Vortex)
MMark
That was Vortex with "Open the Gate", although it did look scarily like Boy George pre-Culture Club, didn't it? What do you think the scary bloke was singing there?
There's nothing quite like a fat goth, is there, Mark?
GGary
By the way, the make-up artist never worked again after that.
She never worked before! (audience laugther) The dubbing was top, wasn't it?
GGary
Very good, it was like one of those Chinese films: (moves his lips differently to the words he says) "I'm gonna kick your head in!"
MMark
You could tell he was miming 'cos the bone wasn't plugged in! (in the video, vocalist Jurjen 'Thundervox' Tichelaar sings into a bone)
It's not the first badly dubbed Dutch video I've seen with a bone in someone's hand, Mark! (Mark and audience laughter and applause. Phill turns to Tony) You liked it, didn't you?
TTony
I did, yeah...
You just whispered into my ear "I've got this album", didn't you? "These are great!" (to Gary) You think there's a food connection, don't you?
GGary
Yeah, I got "Against the wall of a savoury low-fat cake."
TTony
I got "Bright arse is a plan of beautiful bits...
MMark
It's much nicer than "Bright arse, burning like fire", isn't it?
We've got a line about, "We've got some tights, a bag, a beautiful pair; sometimes a donkey you will see." All together boys...
PSPhill's Team
"We've reached the land of Hull..." (audience laughter)
"...Bring mangoes off the boat; And then talk Vortex student braille." You see, behind all the make-up and everything they've got a social conscience.
GGary
I've gone a bit further on - "You know the smell of chili from that night..."
TTony
The last line is "A lemon slice and a savoury whale", quite popular in Dutchland.
They're hungry, they're socially conscious, they're angry, they're Dutch, they look like pandas.
MMark
Would you like to sing that along with the band?
Would we ever? (The music video starts up)
PSPhill's Team
(singing)
Against the wall of a savoury low-fat cake
We are the bag-ladies of the sea
Bright arse is a plan of beautiful bits
Sometimes a donkey you will see!
We've reached the land of Hull, bring your mangoes off the boats!
And then talk Vortex student braille
You know and feel the smell of chili from that night
A lemon slice and savoury whale!
(audience laughter and applause)
MMark
I'm sorry to bring you this news, but that wasn't the real words! The real words were:
"We crossed the water, we are sailing through the night
We are the beggars of the sea
We've got a task, a plan, a duty to fulfill
Something to conquer, you will see." Quite cleverly rhyming "sea" with "see", there(!)
"We've reached the land and all brave men get off the boats
It is our voyage to Den Brille", which is a place in Holland, not in Dutchland!
"We know no fear, or something silly of that kind
All men inside, and stay we will!
Open the gate!"
MMark
I'm gonna give you a point from charity's sake. The band Vortex were formed after the breakup of Werewolf and Thunderfox. We don't know a lot about Werewolf and Thunderfox, although with names like that, they probably have shagged Ulrika Jonsson.
S22x04
Phill's Team: Midge Ure & Graham Norton
Sean's Team: Shelly Poole (Alisha's Attic) & Math Priest (Dodgy)
(After failing to guess "Fame" by Irene Cara correctly in the Intros round)
GGraham
Can I just say, this is so scary, I'm gonna have my gay card taken away for not knowing that! I'm gonna be disqualified! Gay bars will go "No, you got that wrong on Never Mind the Buzzcocks! Get out of town!"
MMark
How many points have you got on it on the moment? "Three more and you're out."
GGraham
I know, exactly.
MMark
You'll have to shag girls! What's the exam like when you get your card?
GGraham
It's very tough.
MMark
Is it an oral?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Never Mind the Buzzcocks pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.