“22x07” quotes from Never Mind the Buzzcocks

If it was anything like So Solid, we've got banned for abs- for absolutely.. OK, yeah we did do bad themes but..y'know-

Phill

When you said 'we', which one of the nine hundred..and twenty members of So Solid Crew?

No, we was banned from playing certain shows..in certain places..

Phill

You said So Solid was banned from this very building earlier. How did you get in..-

Oh yeahh! On Top of The Pops days 'cos they were smoking the good stuff.

Simon

Or as we call here at the BBC; the illegal stuff.

Simon

We're all just gonna have a nice pop quiz tonight. There's a question... what's the answer?

Phill

Was it like, 'Would you like some nuts, madam?' 'No thanks', (making his right hand as a gun) 'I SAID D'YOU WANT SOME NUTS!? D'YOU SOME NUTS!? BITCH! D'YOU WANT SOME NUTS!?'

No, it was more like, it was more like (loud and high pitched) "WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO!?"

So you've been on Ryanair...

You can't intimidate a heckler in a bunny suit. Try it; You're shit! Get off!

Simon

[high-pitched voice] I'm a rabbit!

I don't care! You're still shit, and you're a shit rabbit!

Simon

[high-pitched voice] Stop saying shit!

See? you can't intimidate me, can you?

Simon

[high-pitched voice] No...

Simon

Now that song that you've got, 'Boyfriend', it was inspired by a film about two lesbians?

That's true,yeah.

Simon

I assume that the film was about them feeling ashamed of what they've done and that they'll never do it again?

[giggles] Obviously,yes,yes.

Simon

Good,good. And you're not a lesbian yourself, are you?

Umm no. Did you think so?

Simon

Phew. Well I was concerned.

Concerned?

Simon

We can't have lesbians on the show.

Really? [laughs]

Simon

Oh good. You're not a uh.. [to audience] Are there any lesbians in the audience?

Yes!

Simon

Oh then you better leave! [points to the exit] Not tonight. We need a lesbian-free show. I don't even want a small one.. [laughs/snorts] Ah Jack Dee?

I'm not a lesbian,no.

Simon

Tell us about that, what was in it, what did you find out, what did you discover?

I think the most shocking revelation was that most teenagers have absolutely no idea basically about STIs.

When I was a teenager, I had no idea about STIs. ..My god, I do now.

Simon

Does this.. sort of thing need to be in our living rooms? Does it? Really..?

Can you tell me what the #1 STI is, Simon?

Simon

Umm..

Have you been checked?

Simon

Have I been checked?

Yeah.

Simon

As an employee of the BBC... (laughter) There is no need for me to be checked because I've never..had sex.

To be honest, in that outfit, I can see why. (Simon is wearing a bunny suit)

Simon

If this doesn't get me laid then I don't know what will. I'm adorable!

Simon

Do you feel closer now to the So Solid Crew or the cabin crew?

I honestly have no clue how to do that one.

It's great having you on the team.

Simon

Stine, I'm so warm.

Are you? [laughs] Well get out of your..weird bunny suit then.

Simon

Why don't you get out of your weird bunny suit?

But I'm not wearing a bunny suit.

Simon

Your mum's a bunny suit.

Simon

Would you do other shows than this.. what about CelebArmy?

Only if I could kick arse.

Simon

That would be nice, wouldn't it? You'd go to Afghanistan with Chico.

Yeap yeah!

Simon

What time is it? It's War Time.

Kylie's looking quite hot for me. What do you think, Jack?

Yeah definitely.

Simon

NOO! Not lesbianism!

Doesn't have to be lesbianism.

[rolls his eyes]

Simon

People just didn't like the idea of you having sex there. Now why's that?

Um..-

Simon

Are you a grumpy lover?

Yeah must be. OK then. Well, [grumpily] 'I hope you liked it'.

[trying to solve the line-up question then looks at Anna]

Don't blame it on me if it's wrong.

Simon

Don't pick up anything from Anna.