Phill quotes from Never Mind the Buzzcocks

Simon

[About Ricky Ross] Are you sure he's been in a band?

Phill

How would you know, you're twelve!

Simon

I don't really know anything pre McFly.

Phill

Who's your favourite McFly?

Simon

What day is today?

Phill

It's a Thursday.

Simon

Thursday's a Danny day!

Phill

Number two hasn't blinked in the last twenty minutes...

He's not real, he's papier maché.

Phill

Tonight on Phill - when team members bicker!

Simon

Phill, Phill, can I say something?

Phill

Yeah?

Simon

Right...I think, I think you don't know what you're talking about...you, you shouldn't even go there...and, talk to the face, 'cause my arse ain't listening...

Phill

Stand up a minute...

Simon

Why, what's wrong with me?

Phill

Nah, just stand up...You look like you've been drawn by children!

Phill

"Here is a man in a suit. I've got lots of brown so here's his hair!"

Simon

That's what I was going for...

Simon

You and Stapleton! "The time is nine pm...The place: my Travelodge. Come with me, Penny. Ride me! For I am Stapleton."

Phill

I bet Stapleton, after shagging all night, not a hair out of place.

I bet he does it with a shower cap on.

Ungodly? Is there anything specific about that?

Simon

I think it was just a lot of wiggling of vaginas...that sort of thing.

Hold on, hold on...does a vagina wiggle?! Not that I've ever seen one but; so please inform me.

Simon

Well, I'm not an expert...

Phill

There's nothing quite like the riveting T.V stylings of two homosexuals discussing fannies, is there?

The marrowbone from goats, that's good as well, isn't it.

Simon

Have you...

Have I sucked marrowbone from a goat? No.

Phill

But I bet you could.

Phill

You realize the Daily Mail's going to be in uproar about that bit of the show. "Black lady touches homosexual on television!"

"With white man in the middle!"

Simon

So we're starting a war with the So-Solid crew.

Phill

Simon, we can't take on da Crew!

Simon

Yeah we can, Bill. What about it? Why don't Bill and I come around and sleep with your wives? And Phill, he's loaded and ready to go! Lets go! I'm coming over with my sex men!

I have the ears of death!

Simon

And I have a penis! What have you got Phill?

Phill

I've got 300 pounds that you probably won't be able to get from underneath. So it's not a shag, it's more a fight for survival!

Phill

Danny, did they say "We're looking for celebrity Joneses"?

No.

Simon

Danny's surname is "from McFly".

Simon

[lighting a Menorah] I'm just lighting candles for the baby Jesus.

Phill

[mocking] Your people killed him.

Phill

I don't mean your mum and dad, I mean, because that would be terrible and I would think they would have told you by now.

Simon

I have no regrets, he deserved it.

Bill Bailey

Merry Christmas everybody!

I have no clue what you've been playing.

Phill

Drum.

I forgot to tell you we've had a letter in the Daily Express! I'm very proud of this: "Why are so many BBC comedies unwatchable? Catherine Tate is full of swearing, and Never Mind The Buzzcocks contains gay filth!"

Phill

Well, done. Congratulations.

Congratulations on the gay filth!

She's in a basque that's unconnected.

Phill

She's wearing underwear as outerwear.

I still think she looks like Kiefer Sutherland in Lost Boys.