2nd most-quoted character in Never Mind the Buzzcocks: in 75 of its 480 quotesSimon (38), Bill (12), Mark Lamarr (10)
Scenes with Phill 72
[To Nerina] You can slag off anyone you like, with impunity. I'll start us off. Right: D'you hear this, right, the other day, Chris de Burgh on Loose Ends, he slagged me off. Ned goes "Blah blah blah, heard about that Bill Bailey?" in his way, and he goes "Yes. I've heard he's very ugly. And he hasn't got much hair."
Phill Is that all that the troll had to work with?
Phill Mono-brow freak monster.
Yeah. Mono-browed, nanny-shagging, toss-monger!!...Who has inflicted ...his sentimental mewlings on a reluctant nation!!...[To Nerina] There you go, on you go.
[After choosing number 4]
Phill Can I just say, I saw a flash in the eye of number two...so let's watch what happens.
Do you just want to pick number two?
Phill No. We picked number four...but I'm watching number two .
[Talking about spooning]
There's a DJ Spoony on Radio One..
A Alfie
There is...who's the last one on at night?
Phill Westwood.
A Alfie
Go to bed with Westwood, wake up with Moyles!
Waking up with Moyles? Ugh!
Phill You know what, I'm gonna take his answer. I don't know what it'll be, but none of us do!
I can't even remember the question.
Phill Why did Prince end up in court over some purple paint? Your best guess, now!
....Because his helmet turned blue?
Phill Because, Simon... his helmet turned blue . Bring in the points, bitch! In the bag.
His helmet turned blue. [turns to camera, deliberately] You're wrong.
[Reading Next Lines]
"I am an Antichrist, I am an anarchist..."?
Phill "I is -"
"I is I am the walrus," yes.
So what connects the two?
Phill What connects the two? What doesn't ? Prosperous, black, rappers, drugs, firearms...
You're quite right, there are a lot of things that connects them. Really, the game should be called "What is written on my piece of paper?"
So yeah, so who, uh...not who...how many...not, not that either...uh...
Phill You've fallen to bits since you lost Preston.
[Reading an intro] "Call me, call me anytime..."?
Phill Your call may be recorded for staff training purposes.
[Trying to help Nick guess a band]
[Nick looks blank]
[Silence]
Phill Called The Zutons.
Phill You see, this is the seat that Preston left, this is the seat that Lemmy left the show, admittedly at the re-takes... we should just call it the 'Ejector seat'
[Thoughtfully] We should maybe get some sort of seatbelt...
They only way you could injure yourself with peanut butter is if you were wanking with it.
Phill Yeah, but only if you use crunchy....
I've tried both and believe me, it happens with both.
What are you talking about, Robin Hood?
Phill I actually like it with jam...peanut butter, not wanking.
Out in the forest we didn't have peanut butter so we used, like, rabbit skin...
Phill Is this a more adult Robin Hood?
Robin of Hollyoaks...after dark.
"Where's Friar Tuck?", "He's screwing a tree."
[Guessing a song]
Phill ooh?
It is...Stone Roses, "Sally Cinnamon"
"Shes a Waterfall"!! Waterfall, Waterfall!
Jonas, I would have given you a point...but you were a bit smug about it.
"I know it. It's Northern, The Stone Roses, with blah blah WRONG!"
Phill I sit here, Simon, week after week, being your quiz whore...
[After Rik Waller from the line up swaps places with Phill]
There's no answer anymore...
What shall I do? What shall I do?
I'm very confused. There is no doubt about it that that [He looks at Rik sitting in Phill's place] is Rik Waller... Yet we have a line up of people...
Phill When you say will he step forward, he can't 'cause he's not here. It's a conundrum, Simon.
Why didn't I spend more time at presenting school?! What are we going to do...quick, Sinitta, stand on a ball!!
Phill "He's the bitch of Sherwood forest! He's gonna bust an arrow in yo' ass!"
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These quotes come from Wikiquote's Never Mind the Buzzcocks pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License .
Never Mind the Buzzcocks · 480 quotes
Phill
