With regulars Simon Amstell, Bill Bailey, Phill Jupitus
With guests John Barrowman, Robin Ince, Daniel Bedingfield, Kelli Young
[About Sugababes]
BBill
Ungodly? Is there anything specific about that?
I think it was just a lot of wiggling of vaginas...that sort of thing.
Hold on, hold on...does a vagina wiggle?! Not that I've ever seen one but; so please inform me.
Well, I'm not an expert...
There's nothing quite like the riveting T.V stylings of two homosexuals discussing fannies, is there?
[About Liberty X 'X'] People won't remember this, as people barely remember Liberty X...
You look like you haven't aged in 15 years.
That's what the TARDIS does to you.
...You sure it isn't the botox?
[Discussing strategies to stay young]
BBill
The marrowbone from goats, that's good as well, isn't it.
Have you...
Have I sucked marrowbone from a goat? No.
But I bet you could.
Poverty should have been history by now, lazy Cotton!
[Kelli feels Barrowman's arse]
You realize the Daily Mail's going to be in uproar about that bit of the show. "Black lady touches homosexual on television!"
"With white man in the middle!"
You cheated there, Bill Bailey!
I didn't cheat!
Not you, Barrowman!
Right.
Always about you, isn't it? "I'll be on Maria! I'll be in Torchwood, I'll be on any bloody show that'll have me! Even Buzzcocks". I saw you on Loose Women.
Yeah.
They're awful, aren't they?
You cheated!
BBill
Yeah, I cheated. And what of it? You ain't the boss of me. I ain't never gonna be your bitch!
Talk to the hand 'cause the wrist is pissed.
You've out-gayed me, Barrowman!
[Exaggerated accent] Let's have a gay-off! Ready? Lips pursed, hands on the table, and go!
...I haven't even told my mum yet.
Kurt Cobain is now the top earning dead celebrity. So not Bruce Forsyth. If you're watching that on a repeat...and he is dead...that is inaccurate.
[Trying to guess an answer with John Barrowman raising his hand]
RRobin
I don't even think you are gay, Barrowman! I think. I've seen all this pretending that "Oh, don't worry girls, I'm just gay, now I'm going to kiss you and fondle my stuff," it's disgusting! The oldest trick in the book! What would Barrowman know? Oh, Lulu! It's Lulu then!
Robin, John will not be able to help you with this one because tonight he's playing the part of a stereotype.
We've had a gay man guessing Kylie, a black lady guessing Bob Marley. We are doing nothing to subvert expectations!
[About a gorilla coat] I should say that that coat is not made out of gorilla.
BBill
Is it not?
It's made out of Desert Orchid.
Were you ever in the Sugababes?
KKelli
I wasn't in the Sugababes, no.
My sister's going to be in the Sugababes for her gap year.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Never Mind the Buzzcocks pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.