Barrowman quotes from Never Mind the Buzzcocks

[Singing] Oh, high on a hill with a great big dildo! [Yodelling]

Ungodly? Is there anything specific about that?

Simon

I think it was just a lot of wiggling of vaginas...that sort of thing.

Hold on, hold on...does a vagina wiggle?! Not that I've ever seen one but; so please inform me.

Simon

Well, I'm not an expert...

Phill

There's nothing quite like the riveting T.V stylings of two homosexuals discussing fannies, is there?

Simon

You look like you haven't aged in 15 years.

That's what the TARDIS does to you.

Simon

...You sure it isn't the botox?

The marrowbone from goats, that's good as well, isn't it.

Simon

Have you...

Have I sucked marrowbone from a goat? No.

Phill

But I bet you could.

Phill

You realize the Daily Mail's going to be in uproar about that bit of the show. "Black lady touches homosexual on television!"

"With white man in the middle!"

Simon

You cheated there, Bill Bailey!

I didn't cheat!

Simon

Not you, Barrowman!

Right.

Simon

Always about you, isn't it? "I'll be on Maria! I'll be in Torchwood, I'll be on any bloody show that'll have me! Even Buzzcocks". I saw you on Loose Women.

Yeah.

Simon

They're awful, aren't they?

Simon

You cheated!

Yeah, I cheated. And what of it? You ain't the boss of me. I ain't never gonna be your bitch!

Talk to the hand 'cause the wrist is pissed.

Simon

You've out-gayed me, Barrowman!

[Exaggerated accent] Let's have a gay-off! Ready? Lips pursed, hands on the table, and go!

Simon

...I haven't even told my mum yet.