Nick quotes from Never Mind the Buzzcocks

I just thought I might get one of these. You know what I mean? You sit at home and watch the program and think, "I could do that". And you sort of shout at the screen. And...now I feel like a tit.

Simon

I quite like you, Nick. My mum actually says she quite fancies you.

Is that right?

Simon

She says '"He's got a lovely big face".

Ah, I see it now.

Simon

You see it now? Shall I give you a point for seeing it now?

Would help. 'Cause they just got a point. So we could equalize by my recognizing it afterwards. [To Bill] This could work very well for us.

Simon

Hang on, hang on. I've lost control of the whole thing. I feel like I'm the supply teacher and you're...you're just not respecting me as you should.

Play the track and I'll see if I can guess which one of them is going to take the lead and which one's going to do the-

Simon

How about you be quiet, and stop throwing chalk, Knowles! Hmmm? It's your own time you're wasting!

Forget I spoke.

Simon

Okay. Always do.

Er.. bovvered? Face?

Wide.

It's a youthful combo.

Youthful Combo..?

Simon

From Liverpool.

With a saxophone.

Phill

Called The Zutons.

Simon

How old are you, Nick?

Seventeen.

Simon

Seventeen, wow. You're really ruining my "I'm the young guy" thing here. Normally I get away with being the young person, being under thirty-five and able to name the Sugababes. Tonight I feel that Phill has seen what a real young person is and is going to stop loving me...I feel like Rudy from the Cosby show when she got old and grew a mustache.

Simon

I do not want you to worry about this, Nicholas Hoult. This does not affect anything in your life. We are just having fun.

I just want to go home...

Simon

Don't you move!

Is it Northern?

Phill

ooh?

It is...Stone Roses, "Sally Cinnamon"

Ahh...

"Shes a Waterfall"!! Waterfall, Waterfall!

Simon

Jonas, I would have given you a point...but you were a bit smug about it.

I wasn't smug!

Simon

"I know it. It's Northern, The Stone Roses, with blah blah WRONG!"

[Singing] I wonder why...

I wonder why!

Simon

I will not stand for cheating!

That's it, isn't it?

Simon

I can not give you this point, Jonas.

Why not?!

Simon

Because you stole it!

You said I could have another go, so I did!

Simon

You had another go and then he, [points to Nick] he spoke with his mouth!

There's no answer anymore...

Simon

To be honest-

What shall I do? What shall I do?

Simon

I'm very confused. There is no doubt about it that that [He looks at Rik sitting in Phill's place] is Rik Waller... Yet we have a line up of people...

Phill

When you say will he step forward, he can't 'cause he's not here. It's a conundrum, Simon.

Simon

Why didn't I spend more time at presenting school?! What are we going to do...quick, Sinitta, stand on a ball!!

Phill

[to Kelly] What do you think it is then?

I'm hoping it's horrific burns.