With regulars Simon Amstell, Bill Bailey, Phill Jupitus
With guests Amy Winehouse, Penny Smith, Alex Pennie, Andrew Maxwell
Hello there and welcome to Never Mind the Buzzcocks. [Reading from a paper] "Officially the funniest show on TV right now. Simon Amstell is a competent and witty host, taking the viewer on a whirlwind journey of hilarious pop based comedy. Five stars"....No one's written that...
Amy's likes include Kelly Osbourne and the smell of petrol. I quite like matches, let's do lunch.
[Watching a Paris Hilton video]
Overpriced, arrogant, covered in dog poo, and since that tunnel opened, any old tosser with fifty quid can get in. It's Paris!
Do we know what Cliff Richard's biography is called?
Cliff Richard's biography is called - Cliff Richard: The Biography.
AAlex
Oh, Christ.
Amy, is that hair yours, and is anything living in it?
That's not the GMTV way!
It would be if I had my way, I'd say that hair is fantastic!
AAmy
Oh, yeah it's all mine...'cause I bought it.
Did you see Pennie smash up the instruments on GMTV?
I did, and I was in the studio when he did it...
You must have wanted to smash up the GMTV set though, a couple of times... or at least Fiona Phillips' patronizing witch-face.
[After being badgered by Simon to talk about her love life]
Okay, I might do silent humming like I do when something really awful is happening.
Okay... You also went out with, um-
[Penny lets out a high pitched hum]
This is a weird show, man...I've only ever seen it on T.V, and it's just not like this. It's not usually hectoring of day-time T.V presenters. She's humming to herself! Look, she's been around the block, she's knocked off a few dudes in her time!!
But we want to know, we want to know about Penny's love life, don't we?
No, I don't think we want to know...
Tell us about going out Paul McKenna, that's exciting.
Whoa! Did you go out with Paul McKenna!?!
[About Amy meeting with Pete Doherty] Don't go near him! Do something with Katie Melua. There you are.
AAmy
I'd rather have cat-AIDS, thank you.
[To Amy] It's lovely to have you here. Part of the BBC's new remit: More Jews, less carbon emissions.
What about John Stapleton, what about him? He's a bit creepy though, isn't he?
Oh, will you stop it with your nonsense.
Has he ever tried anything on? "The time is seven o'clock. The place is: my lap."
You and Stapleton! "The time is nine pm...The place: my Travelodge. Come with me, Penny. Ride me! For I am Stapleton."
I bet Stapleton, after shagging all night, not a hair out of place.
I bet he does it with a shower cap on.
What's the "push push"?
AAmy
I don't know, it's my new thing.
Is it? I thought it was crack.
AAmy
Do I look like Russell Brand?
Uh, yes.
AAmy
[In unison with Simon] Yes.
This feels like a really dysfunctional Christmas day.
[About Ben Elton]
AAmy
I don't think there's such thing as integrity or being a sell out, I just think he's a wanker.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Never Mind the Buzzcocks pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.