Maxwell quotes from Never Mind the Buzzcocks

This feels like a really dysfunctional Christmas day.

Okay, I might do silent humming like I do when something really awful is happening.

Simon

Okay... You also went out with, um-

This is a weird show, man...I've only ever seen it on T.V, and it's just not like this. It's not usually hectoring of day-time T.V presenters. She's humming to herself! Look, she's been around the block, she's knocked off a few dudes in her time!!

Simon

But we want to know, we want to know about Penny's love life, don't we?

No, I don't think we want to know...

Simon

Tell us about going out Paul McKenna, that's exciting.

Whoa! Did you go out with Paul McKenna!?!

Simon

You and Stapleton! "The time is nine pm...The place: my Travelodge. Come with me, Penny. Ride me! For I am Stapleton."

Phill

I bet Stapleton, after shagging all night, not a hair out of place.

I bet he does it with a shower cap on.

Simon

Oh, they get paid and they know what's going to happen.

Oh god, you sound like a pimp! (In East End Voice) They gets paid their money, they know whats gonna happen. As you close the container lorry and set sail for western Europe.