[during a scene where Androcles speaks with Hercules and his Council in Thebes; to Joel and the others] Hey, you guys; I just remembered, I have a million things to do.
Gypsy, you can't leave! You were the one that wanted to sit through the whole experiment!
[uneasy] That was before... I knew... and then there were these things, and now I have to go do them.
Well, Gypsy, if you can't stand the heat-
That's okay, Gypsy, run along; it's really fine. [Gypsy leaves the theater as the film continues; aside to the bots] She did her best. I don't want you guys making fun of-
[shushes Joel] Watch the movie, Joel!
[recurring, as Timoteo] I have my rights; I have my rights! It was Harry Callaghan!!
[Frank demonstrates a hybrid lawnmower/baby pram and nearly jostles one of the babies in the Deep 13 daycare]
[horrified] Frank! You could've hurt baby Melvin!
[Princess Ismene is introduced; delirious and shackled behind an enchanted section of wall rock]
[as Hercules] Say; are you a captive woman?
[as Ismene] ...with kindness.
[as Hercules and shape-shifting Proteus fight, the latter god turns into a lion, growling]
Suddenly it's a MGM film.
[as Proteus, turning back into his lizard monster form] I'm back; I'll be your tour guide through Hell! Ha ha!
[as Servo imitates the lizard yipping] Dino! Steam Dragon; steamin' mad at Herc!
[as Ismene] I love it when men and lizards fight over me!
[over a shot of Hercules laughing mirthfully]
The smokers' tooth polish?
No; the hard to work with actor.
[After Hercules defeats Proteus, the clouds part, and a heavenly chorus is heard.]
JC Joel, Crow, Servo
[singing] The Simpsons...
[after seeing a vision of Androcles calling for Hercules' help, and prays to Zeus] Oh omnipotent Zeus...
[as an answering machine] Hi; Zeus is not in right now, but if you'd like to leave a message...
Not guilty by reason of insanity!
If Androcles is still alive-
[sung] In the year 3535...
Pray thee that we might meet again; if it may be in my power to save him. Oh, Zeus, my father!
[as Zeus] I'm not your real father; it was Poseidon!
Today is dedicated to Uranus.
[as Hercules] Why thank you, I'm flatte- huh?
[Hercules first confronts Antinea over Ismene's attempted sacrifice to Proteus, and is assailed by Antinea's forces]
[as Hercules] You're supposed to be nice to me! Today is dedicated to my-
[Atlantean children in white robes are being led away by high priests]
Hey, it's Jim Henson's Ghandi Babies.
[voicing her protests from within the crowd] No, my only son, no! You can't take him!
[as Hercules and Ismene watch the crowd restrain her and force her to resume prayer] I hate hecklers.
[whispering] Conform; c'mon, conform.
These children are also dedicated to Uranus. They're being taken to the Mountain of the Dead.
[as Hercules] Oh, cool! Is that a Six Flags Mountain of the Dead?
When in Chicago, visit the coal mine at the museum of Science and Industry on the Lakefront.
[one of Antinea's soldiers asks for forgiveness after his men were overpowered by Hercules' son Hylas and Timoteo who rescued Ismene]
You're right; it won't happen again.
[as Antinea] Because you're fired!
[as a pit of acid opens in the floor] Not the commode!
I knew it; death by chocolate.
S Soldier
[begging] No; don't kill me!
[as soldier] Don't make me take a bath!
[as the soldier is forced into the pit] You can't do that; I have tubes in my ears! You're gonna get in trouble so bad! Whoa!
It'll kill him, but it'll do wonders for his arthritis.
[as soldier; in the pit gurgling] Is it too late to request a last meal? [the soldier is soon reduced to corroded skeletal remains]
Another Jenny Craig success story.
[as Atlantis crumbles and citizens die in the climax] For Herc, these are just acceptable losses.
[Crow and Servo made a Hercules action figure- which seems to have only one action phrase]
I'm so sleepy I can barely keep my eyes open.
Okay, we admit it; our action figure's lame- lame!
[crying] We're failures, Tommy; failures!
No, don't say that! You put your best foot forward.
I don't even have a foot ! [cries again]
Okay; that's beside the point. You guys tried your very hardest, and because of that, you'll never be failures! [pulls Hercules' voice box cord again]
You're absolutely right, Joel Robinson. We'll be right back after a word from our sponsor. Goodnight now. [Joel faints in shock as the show cuts to commercial]
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