From now on, we're dumbing things down.
Yeah. Once people are dumb, they'll pay us to make them smart with our invention exchange, a new pharmaceutical we call, Algernon!
I don't know. Anything that has to do with messing with your brain chemistry can't be very safe.
Relax, ex-fiancé! No one can sue us if we mention all the terrible stuff our drug could do to you in the advertisement. Algernon...
Hi, I'm Synthia. As a clone I lacked basic intelligence, but that changed when I started taking Algernon.
Algernon is the only effective smartness drug on the market.
Grow your brain with Algernon, dumbasses!
[speaking rapidly] Side effects of Algernon include nausea, mouse friendship, and the 1969 Oscar for Best Actor. Algernon may kill you if taken when the sun is out or setting.
[rapidly speaking] Algernon should not be ingested even in jest. For more warnings, see our ad in Golf Magazine .
Algernon made me so smart, I realized it was dangerous, and I should stop taking it.
KM Kinga, Max, and Synthia
Algernon!
[as security surrounds the building]
Don't worry, if we just put some flashing lights on it, nobody'll notice it's your mom's station wagon.
[as Mac is blown onto the highway and struck by a vehicle]
So now our lovable hero is getting hit by a car. Gotcha.
[as three of the aliens travel naked and struggling through the desert]
The Blue Man Group as you've never seen them before: brown!
SA Servo [as one of the aliens]
[coughing] No, go on and do the movie without me, please...
They're so close to inventing clothes. Come on guys!
This is like if humanity had evolved from Pinky and the Brain .
D Debbie
[wearing stereotypical Native American apparel] Shhh! We're communing with the earth spirits.
SA Servo [as Debbie]
They say this is very insensitive.
[as Eric investigates the running shower]
Oh yeah, way to diss the new owners. Leave the shower running, and they get stuck with the water bill.
CA Crow [as Eric]
Hello? Somebody in here? 'Cause I've been holding it in since Denver!
[Eric pulls aside the shower curtain, revealing nothing]
Somebody killed Janet Leigh!
SA Servo [as Eric]
Oh, I was hoping it'd be that lady duck from Howard the Duck .
[as Eric opens the front door after Mac reveals himself]
Who is that rapping? Rapping on my chamber door?
[Eric opens the door and no one is there]
Huh, darkness there, and nothing more.
Huh, didn't even have the courtesy to leave a flaming bag of poop.
[A garbage can rattles]
Remember: When you throw away your Tickle Me Elmo, you've got to remove the batteries.
[as Eric's wheelchair starts to rush down a hill toward a cliff]
CA Crow [as Eric]
Now this is podracing!
Chickabee! Tay in the wind!
[Eric tries to brake, but his brake breaks off]
JA Jonah [as Eric]
Damn you, Roy's Discount Medical Supplies!
[Eric flies off the cliff, screaming into a lake below]
You know, they went through three Erics making this.
[Mac watches Eric splash into the water confused]
SA Servo [as Mac]
Great. Now I'm gonna get blamed for this too.
I can't help feeling like I've seen all this before. Single mom, suburban kid, big brother, little girl...
No, that's not it. You know, they find an alien, he loves junk food—
No, but the alien is separated from its family and just wants to call home—
No, but then the alien helps the kid fly—
Let me finish! —during a summer camp boxing match.
CA Crow [as an agent]
Tell my wife I died chasing a little boy in a wheelchair!
[wearing sunglasses] Eric!
[cut to a different angle, the sunglasses go missing] Hey, where'd the sunglasses go?
[the sunglasses are suddenly back on Mike's face]
[Mike is pulling Mac into the van; the sunglasses are gone] Hey, where'd the sunglasses go?
[Mac is riding piggyback on Mike]
[imitating Yoda] Luke, 30 years from now, overly possessive fanboys, upset with your character arc will be. Hmm, yes.
[the MACs have wandered into the grocery store, and the mother has knocked over a pile of canned soda]
CS Crow, Servo, and Jonah
Jenga!
SA Store Associate
Hey, what do you think you're doing?!
Crow [as a MAC] Uh, uh, uhhh...
[the father MAC walks in front of the associate, holding a watermelon]
JA Jonah [as the father MAC]
I gotta find the John, where do I put this?
[the associate looks at him, bottom to top]
SA Servo [as the father MAC]
Did you just check me out???
CJ Crow and Jonah [as two bystanders]
Did he just check him out???
Now this is what E.T. was missing. A shootout in a grocery store.
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These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License .
