[Regarding Mel Tormé...]
Hit him! He'll cry!
S6Girls Town
[After attempting to force himself on his date, Chip tumbles over the edge of a cliff]
MNMike Nelson [as Chip]
[screams, then pauses] Hey, look, a morel! [resumes screaming]
[Mother Veronica climbs out of a car driven by another nun]
MVMother Veronica
Wait for me, sister.
CACrow [as Mother Veronica]
If you hear any shooting, just pull around the corner and get ready to gun it!
[Policeman Clyde grills Serafina about her accusation against Jimmy (played by a babyfaced Paul Anka).]
CMr. Clyde
You don't want him to go to jail, now, do you?
Make him promise not to sing "She's Having My Baby"!
[Buxom Silver Morgan speaks with her dead ex-boyfriend's father]
GMr. Gardner
I'll never understand what my son saw in you.
Oh, no? [turns to face him]
CACrow [as Silver]
Do these explain anything?
[Silver Morgan, played by the ample-chested Mamie Van Doren, steps out of the car and stands at an angle emphasizing her prominent bustline.]
CCrow
Let's see, where should I be looking right now...?
Any.. studs around here?
SSerafina
Any what?
Daddy-O's. He-males. Stags!
SSerafina
Only the gardeners.
CACrow [as Serafina]
And Father Fabio!
[At a club, Jimmy sings Paul Anka's hit "Lonely Boy".]
I'm just a lonely boy…
Why does that not surprise me?
[Jimmy performs the ballad "It's Time To Cry" for the girls at Girls Town.]
The music that rocked America… gently to sleep.
[At a drive-in restaurant, Fred (Mel Tormé) chows down on a huge burger over a tray with two drinks.]
The Velvet Hog! [N]
[Mary Lee tries to call her sister Silver at the nun-run Girls Town.]
SAServo [as Operator]
Girls Town, please hold.
SAServo [as Hold Music]
[singing Sister Janet Mead's "The Lord's Prayer"] Our father, who art in heaven…
. . .
SAServo [as Operator]
All of our lines are currently busy. The last call will be answered first, and those who call first shall be answered last. [N]
[Silver tries to return Mary Lee's call, but gets no answer.]
Operator, I've dialed ORchard 4-2122 ten times! I can't get anyone to answer!
CACrow [as Operator]
Well, you want me to go to the house and answer the phone?!
[The bread delivery "boy" that Silver is on a date with is an undercover cop]
SMSilver Morgan
Oh, I was a fool to fall for a phony delivery boy!
Especially since he's thirty-eight!
[After attempting to force himself on his date, Chip tumbles over the edge of a cliff.]
MNMike Nelson [as Chip]
[screams, then pauses] Hey, look, a moral! [resumes screaming]
. . .
[Chip hits the ground and dies.]
SAServo [as Chip]
Uh... call me?
. . .
[Fred, played by Mel Tormé, hears the scream and sees Chip's date run away. He and his date head over to investigate.]
FFred
Chip! Hey, Chip! Where are ya, Chip?
CACrow [as Chip's corpse]
Down here! I got a crick in my neck!
. . .
FFred
Chip, come on! Say something, Chip!
CACrow [as Chip's corpse]
"Wuh-aughhh!"
. . .
[Fred and his date find Chip's broken body at the bottom of the cliff.]
MAMike [as Chip's corpse]
Howdy! I think the date's going pretty well!
[Over the opening title]
Girls Town Boys' Club welcomes you to Girls Town.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.