Mystery Science Theater 3000 · Season 10
[All-black-clad Soultaker walks down the a hospital hallway, blinking in and out of the picture.]
Johnny Cash! Johnny Cash! Johnny Cash!
[singing to "I Walk the Line"] Because you're mine, I walk the intensive care unit.
[The Soultaker opens up a stopwatch, which ticks a la the opening sequence to 60 Minutes.]
I'm Ed Bradley...
I'm Steve Kroft...
I'm Lesley Stahl...
[The title card swoops into view.]
The SOUUUUUUUUUUUUULTAKER!
[Natalie is getting dressed for Summerfest.]
That's not Natalie, that's Tonya Harding!
. . .
[A grooming Natalie appraises herself in the mirror.]
You're dead, Nancy Kerrigan!
[some jokes about Brad's car]
Ugh, that car must reek of Arby's!
. . .
I'll bet whoever had that car after him never got the smell of Marlboro Lights and Hardee's out of the upholstery!
[As Karen drives off with her uniformed Navy boyfriend, Natalie tries to call her back.]
Karen!
Sorry! Love is lifting me up where I belong!
. . .
[Natalie stomps in frustration.]
The lace on my skate broke!
. . .
[Zack comes up behind Natalie and startles her. As she spins around…]
Jeff Gillooly did it!
[A close-up of the Soultaker (played by Joe Estevez) standing at the end of a road, awaiting the oncoming car Natalie and Zach are in.]
Hi folks, you may be wondering if I'm Martin Sheen. Well, I'm not. Turns out I'm his vastly more talented, yet less appreciated brother. Thank you.
[A prolonged still shot of a tree as the speeding car approaches.]
Hi. I'm a tree. Just wanted to put in a good word or two in for nature since the camera's on me. Thanks for your time.
[Natalie et al have been thrown from the crashed car, and she appears dead on the ground.]
She's survived by her Danskins.
. . .
[Natalie dizzily gets to her feet after the crash.]
Whoa! Triple salchow really takes it out of you!
[The Soultaker bears down on Tommy in a convenience store.]
What do you want?
Do you have a phone, so I can call Martin to take over my role?
[The Soultaker hovers over Tommy, preparing to take her soul]
[ominously] It's Closing Time!
Does that mean that every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end?
[At Summerfest, Tommy randomly goes up to a woman and kisses her on the lips.]
Thanks!
[The woman laughs it off.]
I just got assaulted, it's fun!
[At a bus stop, Natalie (played by screenwriter Vivian Schilling) freaks about her mother at home with the Soultaker.]
My mom! He's done something to my mom!
No, no--your mom is fine! She's at the hospital.
What?
Hey, look--you wrote this crap!
[Natalie lies unconscious in a hospital bed, respirator in mouth.]
[singing in Peter Frampton/talkbox voice] I wanna thank you.
[Zach's friend Brad, now a Soultaker himself, is explaining the Afterlife to Zach.]
You still haven't figured it out, have you, man?
We have! Can we go?!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
