[footage of the planet's volcano erupting plays]
More stock footage; hit the deck!
CCrow
Look out, the styrofoam is on fire!
S1Women of the Prehistoric Planet
Mr. Scott, make an entry in the ship's log. [Servo begins grumbling] ... to the third planet of the Solaris system. As this planet was heretofore unknown... [Joel begins grumbling] ... from this day forward, the third planet of the Solaris system will be known as the blue planet. We designate it planet... Earth.
Earth?!
CCrow
Oh, come on, who made you God?
[in disbelief] Oh, man evolved from Tang, right. We better get outta here, we'd better go.
That means my great great grandmother was really, really hot!
CCrow
Was she? You got a picture?
S1The Corpse Vanishes
[After a bride "dies" at the altar, two men carry her out on a stretcher, still in her poofy wedding dress.]
Oh, man, that's so sad -- look, they're taking the cake back!
[Dr. Lorenz eagerly receives the white bundle in his hearse.]
CACrow [as Lorenz]
Thank you, I love cake!
[At Alice Wentworth's wedding, the bride and her maids hear a knock at the door.]
SAServo [as Landshark]
Landshark.
. . .
[Another knock interrupts Alice's talk with her mother.]
JAJoel [as Landshark]
Candygram.
. . .
[The two women hear another knock at the door.]
SAServo [as Landshark]
Pizza delivery.
[At the Lorenz house, the doctor quietly re-enters the secret passage in the wardrobe cabinet in Pat's room.]
SAServo [as Lorenz]
I've got to go back here and talk to the Lion and the Witch.
[Dr. Lorenz prepares to inject his wife with a hypodermic needle.]
CACrow [as Dr. Lorenz]
Now you might feel a little sting...
[Mrs. Lorenz shrieks loudly.]
CACrow [as Dr. Lorenz]
OK, a big sting.
CCrow
No one could hold a candle to him in this role. Well, maybe they could douse him in something flammable and then hold a candle to him.
[during the RAM chip segment]
CCrow
Good thing about the movie: we got to meet an entire family of mutants!
[chuckles] OK...and a bad thing?
CCrow
They were all so stupid, they tried to commit inconspicuous acts of murder on the most conspicuous day of a woman's life!
[impressed] You, my friend, get a RAM chip!
[calling into the Satellite of Love to address Joel for the Invention Exchange] Come in, Joel; you tree-rotating skanky boy!
[impressed] Not bad; not bad.
[Crow and Servo are mulling over the latest issue of Tiger Bot magazine]
CCrow
Who's the Dream Date this week?
Let's see... it says- Twiki.
CCrow
Twiki?! What a coaster; he hasn't worked since Buck Rogers!
I know; what a putz! [mockingly] Bidi-bidi-bidi; wanna dance, Buck?
CCrow
That guy couldn't interface without a lode-pan adapter. Such a shrimpy little bot anyway; with those ineffectual arms, and that stupid bubble head, and...
[offended] Real funny, Crow.
CCrow
[in realization] Whoops!
S1The Crawling Hand
[In a diner, some kids are dancing around a jukebox. The owner of the diner walks up and turns it off.]
OOwner
No dancing, not allowed.
This is just like Footloose.
[Moments later in the same diner, when Marta is about to say something.]
CACrow [as Owner]
No acting, not allowed.
. . .
[Marta shows her rat in a cage for her science experiment at the diner]
OOwner
No rats.
JAJoel [as Owner]
Unless they're on the menu.
[Paul and Marta are engaged in a passionate embrace on the beach.]
CCrow
Hey! Is this From Here to Eternity?
No, it just seems like an eternity.
[Buxom Marta, changing into her swimsuit behind a rock, loudly converses with Paul on the other side of the rock.]
MMarta
Paul... what does it mean, I'm "stacked"? And you're "not with it"?
PPaul
"Stacked"?
CACrow [as Paul]
"Stacked" means you're really smart.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.