Why does he have to kill them to prove his point? Can't he just show them a pie chart or something?
S1Mad Monster
PBProf. Blaine
Mingling the blood of man and beast is downright sacrilege!
Tell that to the NFL!
[Prof. Blaine is pacing around aimlessly instead of fulfilling his promise to Dr. Cameron that he'd inject Petro with Cameron's werewolf serum.]
Just shoot him! You told him you would. Don't pad your part!
[Dr. Cameron has successfully turned his gardener into a werewolf and back again.]
SAServo [as Dr. Cameron]
That felt good... Now I'm going to turn my daughter into a woodchuck.
PFProf. Fitzgerald
[viewing Cameron's lab] You seem to be excellently equipped.
SAServo [as Dr. Cameron]
Thank you! I didn't think you could tell through these trousers.
S1Women of the Prehistoric Planet
[Klutzy Lt. Bradley demonstrates martial arts and winds up somersaulting to the ground.]
LBLt. Bradley
Hi-keeba!
[Running gag: Anytime Lt. Bradley attempts comic relief.]
JSJoel, Servo, and Crow
SHUT UP!!!
[On the prehistoric planet, Dr. Farrell looks into the bubbling pond that swallowed a crewman.]
Is he primordial soup yet?
[At the end of the movie, as romantic soundtrack music plays, Cmdr. Scott and Lt. Karen Lamont gaze into each other's eyes.]
JAJoel [as Scott]
I know our affair wasn't set up in this film, but… let's be part of the Loose-End Festival anyhow.
[Joel presents a last-minute Invention Exchange item; a roll of toilet paper inside a two liter soda bottle]
Well, I guess that could come in handy; as a molotov cocktail or something...
[disgusted] You two are unbelievable! You could make Tiddly-winks sound evil!
Dr. Forrester and Dr. Ernhardt: [cheerfully] Thank you!
[Tang serenades Linda with music played on a pan-flute]
CCrow
Now he's going to play the world's most loved melodies, a la Zamfir.
[as Tang] Get me; I'm the master of the pan-flute!
[Joel is attempting to disarm an Isaac Asimov doomsday device]
CCrow
You're playing dice with the universe here, Joel. I hope you realize that.
[the Asimov doomsday device goes off, but all it does is give the S.o.L. crew labcoats and sideburns]
This cockamamie satellite turned us all into duplicate Isaac Asimovs!
CCrow
D'you think it's a conspiracy?
[speaking like Asimov] No; I tackled the 'conspiracy' topic in my volume set on Assassinations and Coups.
[as one of the scouts ends up mauled by a giant fake-looking spider] My God, how horrible! To be killed by a plush toy!
[in disgust as the crew refuses to search further for her love, Tang] I hate you; I hate all of you!
Jeez, don't say hi then!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.