PPolice Officer
Did you hear anything... footsteps... a door opening?
CACrow [as Officer]
The sound of one hand clapping?
S1The Crawling Hand
[NASA doctor Weitzberg scans Paul, recovering in the hospital, with a geiger counter.]
WDr. Weitzberg
Not a trace. Not a solitary trace.
Must be a talent meter.
[Stranded and virus-infected astronaut Lockhart begs for NASA scientists to push his capsule's remote self-destruct button]
[as Lockhart/David Bowie] This is Major Tom to Ground Control...
[even later, as Paul attempts to throttle the diner owner while under the hand's influence]
[as Owner] No strangling, not allowed.
[Crow and Servo tell Joel off in that he always wins every game he makes the Bots play- due to their non-functioning arms- and leave him alone]
[addressing Cambot] Cambot, I want you to remind me of something: next time I make a robot, no more free will. That's it; and now we've got commercial sign.
CCrow
Hey, why's she wearing a swimsuit with a codpiece?
Oh, just for the halibut. Heh, sorry.
CCrow
Stop it, you're giving me a haddock.
Oh, you're a pain in the bass.
CCrow
You have no sole.
[as Sheriff Townsend/Skipper to Paul] Where's the little body, little buddy?
CCrow
Let's see... if I were an arm, where would I hide? My sleeve, of course!
CCrow
[later, to Joel] What's buggin' that hand anyway?
Oh, he's got a personal vendetta against anyone with a full body.
[Paul is driving out of town when he gets attacked by the severed hand, perfectly parking the car to a stop without crashing while still fighting the hand off]
See, you can tell it's a low-budget movie because they can't wreck the cars.
S1Robot Monster
[Tom sneezes violently]
Bless you!
CCrow
Gesundheit.
You're not supposed to do that...
Radar Men from the Moon, Chapter 5 (short)
Robot Monster (movie)
[Space-helmeted, ape-like alien Ro-Man makes his first viewscreen contact with the last human survivors.]
RMRo-Man
Humans! Listen to me! Due to an error in calculation, there are still a few of you left.
JAJoel [as Ro-Man]
We sincerely apologize for any inconvenience it may have caused you.
[After the destruction of the space platform, Ro-Man addresses the human survivors]
RMRo-Man
And now, of the two billion, there are six. Calculate your chances. Negative, negative, negative.
CCrow
He's so negative!
[Shortly before the conclusion, Joel and the Bots discuss the movie.]
Isn't it kind of weird? It's like, there's a guy in a gorilla suit, and there's-- he's got a robot head, and inside he's got kind of a bunch of clay… I mean, I've seen Dali paintings that make more sense than this movie does.
Yeah, but I think there's a fine line between surrealism and costume-shop closeouts.
[Ro-Man clumsily struggles with Alice and Roy.]
That, ladies and gentlemen, is the destroyer of the universe. I rest my case.
[Ro-Man shows signs of weakness before his boss, the Great Guidance.]
GGGreat Guidance
To think for yourself is to be like the hu-man!
SAServo [as Ro-Man]
Me-man?
RMRo-Man
Yes. [distressed] To be like the hu-man! To laugh… feel… want… Why are these things not in The Plan?!
GGGreat Guidance
You are an extension of the Ro-Men, and a Ro-Man you will remain. Now I set you into motion. One -- destroy the girl. Two -- destroy the family. Fail, and I will destroy you.
JAJoel [as Ro-Man]
Uh, what's number three? Do I get a choice?
SAServo [as Great Guidance]
Do not violate ape law!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.