A character in Mystery Science Theater 3000
Crow T. Robot
Mystery Science Theater 3000 · 3,167 quotes
Most-quoted character in Mystery Science Theater 3000: in 1,660 of its 3,167 quotes
Most scenes with: Tom Servo (818), Mike Nelson (376), Joel Robinson (271)
[Well-off but naive runaway Danny latches onto professional hobo Bix Dugan. They stroll through a small town.]
I'm hungry! Let's get something to eat.
That's a good idea.
You're catchin' on, kid. That was very insightful of you.
[The two enter a diner.]
We're hungry, but I thought of it! Ya know-- d'ya think that could be my new job, Bix -- decidin' when ta eat?
Shut up, Danny.
Oh.
[Bix heads off to the local brothel to collect Danny after he got seduced by co-worker Pete's girlfriend (who works at said brothel), when he comes across a young woman bathing who starts to hit on him]
[to Bix] Are you in the right room now?
[as Bix] Oh, I've never been in a righter room in my life!
[as Bix] If this room is wrong, I don't wanna be right!
[Carrie's delivery man/stalker Jesse is unnerving her at the diner, and Bix decides to confront him]
I want the girl (Carrie).
I told you, she's busy.
[as Jesse] Well, can you put on a dress and say "May I help you?"
[Carrie lets out a loud scream as she dies in Bix's arms, alarming a young couple in the park]
Oh; Edvard Munch was here!
What was that?
[as man] I don't know- I just arrived in this film.
[the man in the couple runs back to the car after seeing Bix holding the dead Carrie close]
[as man] We drove onto a movie set; let's get out of here.
[Crow and Servo pitch an alternate ending to the film, which starts veering into a whole new direction]
Then... there are pygmies! They live in a vast Pgymy kingdom.
See, the pygmies get a bus; and they drive all the way out to Hollywood!
[aside to Servo] (To) Florida (actually).
...Florida! And then they head for the stars. Then you learn some kind of lesson, then you go home.
Now that's a better ending!
[The short opens on a shot of several college-age couples looking lovey-dovey all across campus.]
Ah, spring!
Filthy, shameful spring!
. . .
You know, people were whiter back then.
When a young man's fancy lightly turns to...
Underpants.
...Love.
Oh.
[Shot of slovenly girl.]
Look at that hair!
[defensively] I like her hair!
And that blouse!
[lasciviously] I'm looking, I'm looking!
...
[Shot of young man looking disgusted by slovenly girl's appearance.]
Sorry, Miss! We're trying to a film about proper appearance, and, well, you're not exactly the kind to make this guy behave like a human being!
[bitterly] You know, make him want to grope you and paw at you!
. . .
[The slovenly girl is now immaculately dressed and groomed. The camera starts at her head and slowly pans down.]
Look at that hair... that skin... that mouth...
Those... n-nose.
. . .
We simply took your libido and starched and pressed it!
[formerly slovenly girl walks off, quickly followed by young man]
Hey, I couldn't help but notice how much you look like everybody else!
[The camera focuses on a woman with a good appearance. Shortly after, it focuses on a woman looking discomforted and fidgeting around.]
Clothes are important. Besides fitting well and looking well, the clothes should be appropriate for the occasion. Wearing inappropriate clothes, like these shoes--
Is immoral.
--is a sure way to make yourself uncomfortable... and conspicuous.
Expressing individualism is just plain wrong.
Besides accumulating sweat, the skin is also constantly picking up dirt, dust, grit, and other foreign particles.
Skin sucks.
[The short closes with the cleaned-up teens going to bed.]
And so... the end of a perfect day.
An entire day spent grooming.
. . .
And you...
Jezebel!
...by following these simple rules of body care and grooming, you too will [have] that quality of appearance, that feeling of well-being, so important to make your dreams of happiness come true.
And remember--when you touch yourself, the saints cry. Goodnight.
[As we fade out...]
KEEP WATCHING THE MEDICINE CABINETS! KEEP WATCHING THE MEDICINE CABINETS!
You're next!
[A few more names appear]
[sarcastically] Oh, let's not forget these guys!
The Painted Hills (movie)
Thirty years of mud scrabblin', and when I do find the glory dust, I go off half-cocked!
But enough vernacular...
[In response to a corral that suddenly appears]
How did that corral get there?
They used CorelDraw.
[The movie begins and Rose Wood walks to the Sheriff's office. Thanks to the wide-angle shot, two criminals on horseback are revealed to the side.]]
[As the criminals start moving.]] Ah, cue the horses!
[Under his breath]] Corman...
[As the criminals stop] Boy, she is slick. How'd she get by us?
[Hired assassin Cain Miro is busy in his room when he hears a knock on the door. He goes up to it and opens it... outward as bar owner Erika enters]
Wha... Doors don't open like that, there's a number... He's in the hall!
Crazy coming up in here...
...in my hallway here.
[Mayor Polk puts his dead wife down, glares around the corner and reaches for where his guns should be.]
Draw, er... wait a sec!
[Polk goes into the barn and pulls out a pitchfork.]
[As Polk approaches Cain, to the tune of Green Acres] Doo-doo, do-do-do! The chores!
Doo-doo, do-do-do! [scene switches to Cain aiming his gun] ...the hell?
Tom ServoKevin Murphy · 1,542 quotes
Mike NelsonMichael J. Nelson · 824 quotes
Joel RobinsonJoel Hodgson · 542 quotes
NNarrator224 quotes
JJonah171 quotes
GGypsy75 quotes
EEmily69 quotes
CFDr. Clayton Forrester57 quotes
PFPearl Forrester26 quotes
MMax22 quotes
KFKinga Forrester21 quotes
JPJack Perkins20 quotes
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.