A character in Mystery Science Theater 3000
Crow T. Robot
Mystery Science Theater 3000 · 3,167 quotes
Most-quoted character in Mystery Science Theater 3000: in 1,660 of its 3,167 quotes
Most scenes with: Tom Servo (818), Mike Nelson (376), Joel Robinson (271)
[The opening credits feature action shots of Mitchell to a disco beat.]
Who's the puffy guy who's a big blurry sex machine?
Mitchell!
That Mitchell is one fat s--
Shut yo' mouth!
I'm just talkin' 'bout Mitchell!
[The camera slowly pans across a thickly tree-screened home at night.]
Ee-gah...
Shtemlo.
Watch out for snakes!
We've hidden Mitchell somewhere in this picture...
Mitchell, will you stand up, please?
[At the park, Mitchell shoots man in the leg.]
Daryl Gates on his day off.
He's landed just short of the green.
Can you hurry it up, we've got a head wound back here!
[In bed with Mitchell, Greta reaches out to return unopened beers to the bed stand, which also has a bottle of Johnson & Johnson's...]
Baby oil!
BLAAAARRRGGGHHH!
[vomiting noises]
Why would anybody wanna do this with Mitchell, Joel?
[In the soundtrack, Hoyt Axton continues to sing the theme song.]
My my my my Mitchell...
My my my MY GOD, NOOOOO!
How do you like your Scotch, Mitchell?
Uh, by the quart.
[Hoyt resumes the theme song during the movie's closing credits.]
[singing] My my my my Mitchell, what would yo' momma say?
She'd say, "He's not mine! You can't prove it!"
[Bill is going to show Jan his experiment.]
You have the keys to your car?
[Cut to them driving.]
The answer: yes, she has the keys to her car.
The Long, Long Trailer!
[Cortner and Jan are in their speeding car as they pass a couple of road signs. One of them reads "Winding Road."]
Hey, that was my prom theme!
Stop sign, what stop sign? "Curve?" What curve?
[We see a shot of an expression of horror on Cortner's face as the car crashes.]
Aughhh! The road is attacking me!
[Cortner has just snatched Jan's head from the wreck and has hidden it in a blanket.]
[muffled] D-Don't forget my purse! Honey?
. . .
[muffled] You just had to go fast, didn't you? Now look, Mr. Bigshot! Now I don't have a body anymore! Are you happy?
. . .
[Cortner runs through the woods, clutching the head in his arms.]
Riggins is at the 20… He's at the 10… No one will catch him!
He's either gonna win the Nobel Prize or the Heisman Trophy.
[In search of a replacement body for Jan's head, Dr. Bill Cortner examines cardboard cutouts of buxom strippers at a club.]
Well, she can't have a cardboard body. I've ruled that out.
[pervertedly] Saaay, this could actually be an upgrade...
Well, it's nice and all, but I want something sleazy.
[Inside the strip club (which looks suspiciously like a greasy spoon), a dancer slithers to a porny saxophone tune.]
If Jack Ruby owned a Denny's.
. . .
Welcome to the Diane Arbus Cafe.
[Jan is talking after Cortner has saved her head.]
Doesn't she need lungs?
No, she's got neck juice!
[Inside the college dorm room]
So... Where's Waldo?
He's under the bed.
[We see Liz, an oddly mature woman, brushing her hair before bed.]
Geez! How many times was she held back?
Heh heh heh.
Hi, Peg!
[In the mirror, we see college girl Peg toss her books on her bed.]
Hi, Mom.
[The short is ending.]
How would you answer this question for Liz and Andrew? Peggy and Joey?
Bob and Carol? Ted and Alice?
How can you tell? Is this love?
You have ten minutes to answer the question starting now.
[Servo imitates a clock ticking.]
And, now stay tuned for the Clarance Thomas-Anita Hill hearing.
No animals were hurt during the filming of this movie.
[A list of related film titles scrolls on the screen.]
"How Much Affection?"
"When Should I Marry?"
[Mike and the bots continue with fake titles.]
"Know Your Ointments"
"What's That Down There?"
"When He Wants It Rough"
"Procreation, Not Recreation"
"Oh No, Pleasure!"
"McClintock!"
Teen-Age Strangler (movie)
[Reading the opening cards]
Cheating: How to make it work for you at home and on the job.
A Centron production, although we got the idea from a different company, because we're cheating!
[A phone rings.]
For depressing phone sex, dial 1-900-ALFALFA.
[John picks the phone up, but a ringing sound can still be heard.]
Oh, the foley guy must be calling!
Tom ServoKevin Murphy · 1,542 quotes
Mike NelsonMichael J. Nelson · 824 quotes
Joel RobinsonJoel Hodgson · 542 quotes
NNarrator224 quotes
JJonah171 quotes
GGypsy75 quotes
EEmily69 quotes
CFDr. Clayton Forrester57 quotes
PFPearl Forrester26 quotes
MMax22 quotes
KFKinga Forrester21 quotes
JPJack Perkins20 quotes
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.