Mystery Science Theater 3000 · Season 5
“Gunslinger” · Season 5
In this episode: Tom Servo (5), Joel Robinson (5), Crow T. Robot (3), Cain (3), Dr. Clayton Forrester (1)
[Stopping his Brain Scan on TV's Frank and looking at the Camera] Ah, Joel. Your experiment this week is your first western. It's called "Gunslinger" and it stars Beverly Garland in her pre-Doddy period.
Beverly Garland [growls, but is cut off by another scan]
And it's directed by Roger Corman, so your brain might explode before Frank's does. [turns back to scan Frank before looking back quickly] Yippie-ki-yay, mama jama.
[The movie begins and Rose Wood walks to the Sheriff's office. Thanks to the wide-angle shot, two criminals on horseback are revealed to the side.]]
[As the criminals start moving.]] Ah, cue the horses!
[Under his breath]] Corman...
[As the criminals stop] Boy, she is slick. How'd she get by us?
[In a barfight, a patron grabs Jake and throws him over the bar.]
You know, he shoulda slid him across the bar.
Oh, they hadn't invented that yet.
Man, this movie is just sitting on my head and crushing it.
[Hired assassin Cain Miro is busy in his room when he hears a knock on the door. He goes up to it and opens it... outward as bar owner Erika enters]
Wha... Doors don't open like that, there's a number... He's in the hall!
Crazy coming up in here...
...in my hallway here.
Only the good die young.
Most of us are morally ambiguous, which explains our random dying patterns.
[Mayor Polk puts his dead wife down, glares around the corner and reaches for where his guns should be.]
Draw, er... wait a sec!
[Polk goes into the barn and pulls out a pitchfork.]
[As Polk approaches Cain, to the tune of Green Acres] Doo-doo, do-do-do! The chores!
Doo-doo, do-do-do! [scene switches to Cain aiming his gun] ...the hell?
[A drunken Cain attempts to kiss Erika.]
[drunkenly] You got brown eyes...
[drunkenly] An' you got a neck.
. . .
Booze has knighted me King Of The Lovers!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
