What's the matter?
Snapped my garter belt.
Don't expect a Purple Heart.
S6Fade Out, Fade In
What is that odor?
Uh, north wind, cesspool, east wind, latrine.
The wind is from the south.
Oh, that's the kitchen.
[in a toast to Frank's leaving]...Goodbye, Ferret Face!
What's the matter?
Snapped my garter belt.
Don't expect a Purple Heart.
MP Sgt: He was on this bus and accosted a Blond WAC and wanted to shampoo her hair...he was sitting beside a red Cross woman kept calling her Margaret..Is that his wife?"
Just a well built ship who crossed his wake...
MP Sgt: She screamed and he jumped out of the bus
When you lasso him put him in a paddled stall
S6Fallen Idol
Look, you can't lay all that on my shoulders. Don't you know how much this place stinks? Don't you know what it's like to stand day after day in blood? In the blood of children? I hate this place. And if I can't stand up to it to your satisfaction, then... then the hell with it. How dare you? The hell with your Iowa naivete, and the hell with your hero worship and your teddy bear, and while you're at it, the hell with you! Why don't you grow up, for crying out loud? I'm not here for you to admire. I'm here to pull bodies out of a sausage grinder, if possible without going crazy. Period. (Radar begins to cry) Come on, cut it out. Stop it, will ya!? You ninny!
I don't think this place is turning out to be that great an experience for me. I mean I work under terrible pressure and everything and there's a lot of death and destruction and stuff but outside of that I don't think I'm really getting much out of it.
Hawkeye(after getting a talking to from Mulcahy, Margaret, and Potter): Radar I'd like to apologize.
Oh yeah? Well you can just forget it. Just forget it! The hell with me huh. The hell with you. How about that? And another thing. I wanna tell you something. Anyone who says anything about Iowa better be prepared to back it up pal. I'll give you a fistful of Iowa naiveteness right in the stomach. How about that huh?!
Hawkeye (stopping the nurse trying to calm Radar down): No, let him go.
You know I don't need you to tell me what's what. I know what's what just as well as you do. So why don't you just crawl back in your bottle of booze and pickle yourself?
S6Last Laugh
BBJ
He'll be walking back here in about an hour.
He'll be WALKING back?
BBJ
The only thing gassed up in that jeep was US!
Margaret (to Colonel Potter): When's the last time I came to you? I ask so little?
And she gives so much.
S6War of Nerves
When Pierce and Hunnicutt lose one, he's out of his misery. When I lose one, I've lost a mind.
When I lose one, I've lost a soul.
Sidney (to Klinger): You're a tribute to man's endurance. A monument to hope in size 12 pumps. I hope you do get out someday. There would be a battalion of men in hoop skirts right behind you.
Major Winchester, I'm terribly sorry, would you mind stepping outside and scrubbing up?
Ha-ha, I kindly doubt that would be necessary, Major. I just spent seven and a half minutes scrubbing.
Yes, but that was before you touched your nose.
I beg your pardon?
Your nose, you touched your nose; you're no longer sterile. If you operate now, you will contaminate the field.
Of course. That is precisely what I would do if, in fact, I had touched my nose, which I didn't.
Major, I saw you touch your nose.
Major, do you think my face is insensate? Don't you think that if I had touched my nose, I would've felt it?
I just felt something funny over my lip. Maybe it touched my nose.
BBJ
Touched his nose, Charles. You'll have to marry him.
Colonel Potter, I clearly saw Major Winchester touch his nose!
You naughty boy.
Colonel, I refuse to spend another seven and a half minutes scrubbing up because of this woman's paranoid hallucinations!
She's a pretty good observer, Winchester.
I did not touch my-! [calms] I did not touch my nose.
You did touch your nose! I SAW you touch your nose!
It's the Battle of the Noses, ladies and gentlemen! Who do you think is ahead, Captain Honeycutt?
BBJ
Well, Winchester was ahead for a while, but he blew it.
Say, that's disgusting.
[Angrily goes to wash] How am I expected to operate in here if I must continually leave to wash my hands?
EEveryone
DON'T TOUCH YOUR NOSE!
S6The Winchester Tapes
You've got to have a pair of pajamas, look around. You had a pair when you got here.
BBJ
I had a lot of things when I got here. Faith, hope, sanity, a liver.
I will put this as eloquently and succinctly as possible...(tries to pours tea but a plastic chicken is in the pitcher) ...Get me the hell out of here!
[taping a letter to send home] Dear Mother and Dad, I have only been here a short while, but it seems forever. MASH 4077 is truly a nightmare. It is either too cold or it is unbearably hot. I needn't tell you again, I won't be happy until I am out of here. I have even contemplated shooting myself in the foot. But, you know how much I enjoy the annual Deb's Cotillion.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's M*A*S*H pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.