Father Mulcahy quotes from M*A*S*H

Father Mulcahy

I've heard that.

Father Mulcahy

When the doctors cut into a patient and it's cold, the way it is now...steam rises from the body...and the doctor will---will warm his hands over the open wound. (takes a deep breath) How could anyone look on that and not feel changed?

Mulcahy

I have a good mind to baptize you both, in dirty water.

Mulcahy

This isn't one of my sermons. I expect you to listen!

Mulcahy

B.J, I hate to interrupt you in mid-debauch, but I'd like a word with you.

Father Mulcahy

Spin n win...Spin n win...Everybody benefits when we play bingo.

Mulcahy

I wish you'd given me this two-day notice a couple of weeks ago.

Mulcahy

My Hebrew is a little rusty, but it gets the point across.

Mulcahy

I'd have to confess to myself, and I can be very harsh.

Mulcahy

I do believe people are essentially good, but sometimes you have to put them in a half-nelson to get them to cough up.

Mulcahy

(to Col. Potter) Well, look on the bright side. When we're told we must do our time in purgatory, we can all say "No thanks. I've done mine."

Radar

Hey, you got a good, strong arm there, Father.

Mulcahy

Well, you develop a lot of muscle wrestling with temptation.

Mulcahy

Heavenly Father, we thank Thee for seeing us through this day, and ask for Thy divine help for tomorrow.

Hawkeye

Same time, same station.

Mulcahy

Oh, according to the Geneva Convention, each prisoner is entitled to this package. You have a razor, toothpaste, soap, six aspirin, a wash cloth, and four Oreo cookies.

Hawkeye

Father, that's for a prisoner of war. I'm one of ours.

Mulcahy

In the eyes of the Lord, a prisoner's a prisoner.

Hawkeye

Well, thanks. And in your prayers, thank the big fella for me.

Mulcahy

Oh, MacArthur had nothing to do with it.

Father Mulcahy. (Sees the cross Mulcahy has around his neck). Yes, of course. You're clean.

Mulcahy

Thank God, sir.

Catholic?

Mulcahy

Yes, sir.

Can you do a Methodist thing for me on Sunday?

Mulcahy

I handle all denominations. Colonel.

Any other Methodists in the outfit?

Mulcahy

Two or three.

Good. I hate to sing alone. Major Houlihan.

Sir!

Chief nurse.

Yes, sir.

Ten years, spotless record.

Thank you sir.

Major Frank Burns.

Just friends, sir. I mean, he's not here, sir. He's indisposed.

Captain Pierce.

Hawkeye

Yo!

Keep your yo's to yourself. Captain Hunnicutt.

Yes sir.

You two were reprimanded by Major Burns for setting fire to the latrine.

Hawkeye

That was an accident.

We were having a weenie roast.

In the latrine?

We're not allowed to cook in our tents, sir.

Also Pierce, it says here you had a live chicken flown here by helicopter, claiming it was a patient.

Hawkeye

That was a rare bird, Colonel. It could tap-dance.

And a year ago the Tokyo Provost Marshal claims you stole a steam shovel.

Hawkeye

I couldn't get a cab.

I gather you drink.

Hawkeye

Only to excess.