WWilliamson
Do you always treat enemy soldiers?
Of course not, only if they're sick.
S8Are You Now, Margaret?
Klinger (passing out copies of Stars & Stripes to the officers): Here; read this.
Hawkeye (reading): "Scandal Rocks Capitol Hill. Congressman Daniel Lurie-!"
EEEveryone else
*gasps of surprise*
Hawkeye (reading on): "-Caught in Washington Love Nest with Aide's Wife! 'My-my husband drove me to it,' sobbed a tearful-"
Everyone (reading together): "-L. Shirley Williamson!"
Hawkeye (reading on): "'I needed more than a man who's married to his work first and me second!'"
Now wait, wait. That seems fair. He had the Congressman's ear, and she got everything else!
(to Willamson, furious at his blather about the Red Menace) Don't tell us about the Red Menace! We're up to our ankles in it! It comes out of those kids you keep sending us!
(Klinger has just photographed Williamson in a compromising position with Margaret in her tent. BJ, Hawkeye, and Charles burst in.)
WWilliamson
Will someone please tell me what's going on here?
BBJ
We thought your wife might like some pictures of your fact-finding tour.
Suitable for hanging.
S8Goodbye, Radar (Part 1)
(Col. Potter walks into the Swamp)
Either of you seen Radar?
Last I saw him he was in the Officer's Club having a touch of the grape.
BBJ
Why? What's wrong?
Plenty. I just got a wire from the boy's mother in Iowa. Radar's Uncle Ed passed away.
Oy.
Yeah, oy.
And to top it all off, my Nehi is warm.
S8Goodbye, Radar (Part 2)
Listen, Radar, I guess you realize I'm kinda fond of you. Lord knows I've never met a soul I could depend on more, but above all that, you've been a damn good friend. Well, friend, it's time we said goodbye. Time you got on with your life. You've come as far as you can go here. You've earned your wings... now you've gotta fly.
That's a bear we all have to cross.
Radar (his last line in M*A*S*H): I'm ready, let's go.
[Radar's last scene on the show]
DDriver
Where are you headed?
Ottumwa, Iowa.
DDriver
Never heard of it. I guess anywhere you live is home.
I'm ready, let's go.
S8Period of Adjustment
BBJ
Well, if it isn't Benjamin Franklin Pierce Hawkeye, named for a president, an Indian, and a stove.
(to Klinger) So far you have performed your duties with the efficiency of a one-legged man at a BUTT-kicking contest!
Folks around here were pretty fond of Henry Blake when he ran this fort, weren't they?
Well, sure, the Colonel was a top notch kind of a guy.
You bet he was. And, I don't mind telling, you my first few days in his shadow were a mite uneasy. No one was jumping for joy over me. I was no Henry Blake, never tried to be. That didn't make me any better or worse, just different. The point is, the folks here gave me the time to take this job and make it Sherman Potter's. I guess I forgot that when you took over for Radar. What I'm trying to say is, you need the time to take this job and make it Max Klinger's. So, just do it. And, if you need some help, if you've got a question, just knock on my door. Is that clear, Max?
Crystal, sir.
From now on- Radar's office is closed; Klinger's office is open.
Klinger passes out
OK, we'll open tomorrow.
S8Nurse Doctor
I had to give a girl the brush-off!
(stunned): Would you mind repeating that? I think the sun was in my ears.
Come again?
She was hugging the stuffing out of me!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's M*A*S*H pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.