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S6

M*A*S*H · Season 6

Margaret, Winchester and others in “War of Nerves”

Major Winchester, I'm terribly sorry, would you mind stepping outside and scrubbing up?

Ha-ha, I kindly doubt that would be necessary, Major. I just spent seven and a half minutes scrubbing.

Yes, but that was before you touched your nose.

I beg your pardon?

Your nose, you touched your nose; you're no longer sterile. If you operate now, you will contaminate the field.

Of course. That is precisely what I would do if, in fact, I had touched my nose, which I didn't.

Major, I saw you touch your nose.

Major, do you think my face is insensate? Don't you think that if I had touched my nose, I would've felt it?

I just felt something funny over my lip. Maybe it touched my nose.

Touched his nose, Charles. You'll have to marry him.

Colonel Potter, I clearly saw Major Winchester touch his nose!

You naughty boy.

Colonel, I refuse to spend another seven and a half minutes scrubbing up because of this woman's paranoid hallucinations!

She's a pretty good observer, Winchester.

I did not touch my-! [calms] I did not touch my nose.

You did touch your nose! I SAW you touch your nose!

It's the Battle of the Noses, ladies and gentlemen! Who do you think is ahead, Captain Honeycutt?

Well, Winchester was ahead for a while, but he blew it.

Say, that's disgusting.

[Angrily goes to wash] How am I expected to operate in here if I must continually leave to wash my hands?

EEveryone

DON'T TOUCH YOUR NOSE!

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