Sidney Freedman quotes from M*A*S*H

Sidney

Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice. Pull down your pants, and slide on the ice.

Sidney

Freud said that there is a link between anger and wit. Anger turned inwards is depression. Anger turned sideways is Hawkeye.

Sidney

Sign this, soldier.

Klinger

What's it say?

Sidney

It says that I have examined you and found you to be a transvestite and a homosexual.

Klinger

I ain't any of those. Where do you get off calling me that?

Sidney

I think I got the idea from your cleavage.

Klinger

Listen, all I want is a Section 8. You know what you can do with this.

Sidney

Hey soldier. You forgot your purse.

Hawkeye

[during a poker game] Sidney, what's the psychiatric basis for gambling?

Sidney

Sex.

Hawkeye

Why?

Sidney

I don't know, they told me to say it. Sex is why we gamble, sex is why we drink, sex is why we give birth.

Hawkeye

Thank you, doctor.

Sidney

I'm taking a five dollar chip. That was a house call.

Henry Blake

Radar, what's going on?

Radar

It's a patient, sir. He blew his cork.

Hawkeye

Sidney, front and center.

Sidney

I'm not going out there without a bulletproof couch!

Frank

Ah, well, it looks like the "conference" is in full swing.

Sidney

Hi, Frank. What's new up on The Mount?

Read any good commandments lately?

Hawkeye

Hold it everybody freeze!

Sidney

What's the matter?

Hawkeye

One of the sandwiches just moved.

Sidney

Some patients insist on dying, Hawk. You knew that going in. But you had to be a doctor.

Hawkeye

I didn't have a choice, it's all ever I cared about, all I ever wanted to do. Sometimes I think I'd be more useful as a cocktail waitress.

Sidney

You haven't got the legs for it.

Sidney

Captain, is it true that God answers all prayers?

Yes. Sometimes the answer is no.

Sidney, you're a psychiatrist. Don't you think writing a letter to Sigmund Freud is a little crazy?

Sidney

Who better than he would understand?

Sidney

When Pierce and Hunnicutt lose one, he's out of his misery. When I lose one, I've lost a mind.

Mulcahy

When I lose one, I've lost a soul.

Hawkeye

Sidney, what kept you?

Sidney

My jeep had a nervous breakdown.

Sidney

Major.

Charles

Hiya.

Sidney

First time I've seen you in your summer uniform.

Charles

This is the real me.

Sidney

Sorry to hear that.