Margaret Houlihan quotes from M*A*S*H

Margaret

(sispicious) I smell a rat… no, two rats.

Margaret

[following Hawkeye's "toast"] I too have a toast. Here's to Captains Pierce and McIntyre. To their all-night binges. To their secret nurse ceremonies. To their planting of microphones in sleeping bags. To their childish switching of names on latrines. All of which goes into my special report to General Mitchell, which culminates in a detailed account of your Thanksgiving "Come As Your Favorite Nude Pilgrim" party.

Margaret

Yes, of the opposite sex!

Margaret

I'm just as much a major as any other major. You'll notice these leaves come in gold, not pink for girls and blue for boys.

Margaret

It never fails to astonish me. You're alive, you're dead. No drums, no flashing lights, no fanfare. You're just dead.

Margaret

Well I did everything I could and I'd do the same thing all over again. There is no reason to put myself and everybody else through hell to satisfy some crazy notion that good is never good enough.

Margaret

Oh, Sweden! Oh, I've always wanted to visit Sweden. I hear the scenery is so... tall.

Margaret

You're drunk!

Henry

[slurring] That's a dirty lie. And I intend to press charges. The minute I'm sober.

Frank

I'll write you every day--faithfully.

Margaret

You promise?

Frank

Just like I do my wife.

Who are you?

Margaret

Majors Burns and Houlihan, sir!

Which is which?

Hawkeye

Doesn't matter, they're interchangeable.

Frank

"Funny thing, war - Never have so many suffered so much, so, so few could be so happy!!"

Margaret

"We're lucky to be two of the few and not the many."

Frank

"I know, darling, and I love being both of us."

Margaret

Ow! What was that?

Hawkeye

Load of B1. Get you on your feet again.

Margaret

Oh... And I didn't get you anything...

Henry

Uh, that, uh, scotch you just poured is rye.

Margaret

That's OK, the champagne I just had was gin.

Henry

Why don't you call me Henry, for Pete's sake.

Margaret

[drunk] That's really swell of you, Pete.

Margaret

They love you, Frank.

Frank

It was their hatred that fooled me.