Radar, do you know what kind of wood this is?
Oak, sir?
Nope - it's oak.
S1To Market, To Market
Hurry up, the truck will be here soon.
[Radar looks up as if he hears something and moves faster]
I think we just passed soon!
I betcha don't know what kind of wood this is.
It's oak.
Nope - it's oak.
S1Requiem for a Lightweight
Whatever it is, even if the answer is "yes," it's "no."
General Barker's fighter just pulled in, looks real big.
(Sounding scared)How big?
If he wanted to, he could be a platoon. [Trapper looks at Hawkeye.] Looks mean. [makes a face to show what he looks like]
(Discussing Trapper's opponent)
A guy told me that he was crossing the road, and this jeep came too close to him. He punched it.
He punched a jeep?
He knocked it out.
Hawkeye, this guy knocks out jeeps!
Showboat.
(Hawkeye takes out a bottle)
That's ether.
A little louder Frank, the cook didn't hear you.
S1Chief Surgeon Who?
What are you doing, Corporal?
Doing, sir?
D-O-I-N-G! What are you doing?
I'm listening to you spell "doing", sir.
[in shorts, T-shirt, and dressing gown]
Would I do anything to disgrace this uniform?
Nurse, is everyone in this outfit crazy?
NNurse
Everybody who's sane is, sir.
Sir, Major Burns will probably continue to complain about the promotion.
May I make a suggestion about Major Burns?
Yes, sir.
Give him a high colonic and send him on a ten-mile hike.
With full pack.
Good touch.
S1The Moose
I'm gonna do something about this--I'm going to Henry.
SSpearchucker
Henry? Our Henry?
I thought you said you were going to do something about this.
[about the Swamp] Somebody sneaked in here and committed a neatness!
S1Yankee Doodle Doctor
Three hours ago, this man was in a battle. Two hours ago, we operated on him. He's got a fifty-fifty chance. We win some, we lose some. That's what it's all about. No promises. No guaranteed survival. No "saints in surgical garb." Our willingness, our experience, our technique are not enough. Guns and bombs and anti-personnel mines have more power to take life than we have to preserve it. Not a very happy ending to a movie. But then again, no war is a movie.
[An army film unit is making a documentary at the camp.]
[Reading from the film script] "...from the strong, capable hands of a Yankee Doodle Doctor."
[laughing] A Yankee Doodle --
[singing] Stuck a feather in his nurse...
HTHawkeye and Trapper
...and called her macaroni!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's M*A*S*H pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.