When Pierce and Hunnicutt lose one, he's out of his misery. When I lose one, I've lost a mind.
When I lose one, I've lost a soul.
“War of Nerves” · Season 6
In this episode: Hawkeye Pierce (1), BJ Hunnicutt (1), Colonel Potter (1), Charles Winchester (1), Margaret Houlihan (1), Father Mulcahy (1), Sidney Freedman (1)
Sidney (to Klinger): You're a tribute to man's endurance. A monument to hope in size 12 pumps. I hope you do get out someday. There would be a battalion of men in hoop skirts right behind you.
Major Winchester, I'm terribly sorry, would you mind stepping outside and scrubbing up?
Ha-ha, I kindly doubt that would be necessary, Major. I just spent seven and a half minutes scrubbing.
Yes, but that was before you touched your nose.
I beg your pardon?
Your nose, you touched your nose; you're no longer sterile. If you operate now, you will contaminate the field.
Of course. That is precisely what I would do if, in fact, I had touched my nose, which I didn't.
Major, I saw you touch your nose.
Major, do you think my face is insensate? Don't you think that if I had touched my nose, I would've felt it?
I just felt something funny over my lip. Maybe it touched my nose.
BBJ
Touched his nose, Charles. You'll have to marry him.
Colonel Potter, I clearly saw Major Winchester touch his nose!
You naughty boy.
Colonel, I refuse to spend another seven and a half minutes scrubbing up because of this woman's paranoid hallucinations!
She's a pretty good observer, Winchester.
I did not touch my-! [calms] I did not touch my nose.
You did touch your nose! I SAW you touch your nose!
It's the Battle of the Noses, ladies and gentlemen! Who do you think is ahead, Captain Honeycutt?
BBJ
Well, Winchester was ahead for a while, but he blew it.
Say, that's disgusting.
[Angrily goes to wash] How am I expected to operate in here if I must continually leave to wash my hands?
EEveryone
DON'T TOUCH YOUR NOSE!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's M*A*S*H pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.