Charles Winchester quotes from M*A*S*H

Charles

I will put this as eloquently and succinctly as possible...(tries to pours tea but a plastic chicken is in the pitcher) ...Get me the hell out of here!

Charles

[taping a letter to send home] Dear Mother and Dad, I have only been here a short while, but it seems forever. MASH 4077 is truly a nightmare. It is either too cold or it is unbearably hot. I needn't tell you again, I won't be happy until I am out of here. I have even contemplated shooting myself in the foot. But, you know how much I enjoy the annual Deb's Cotillion.

Charles

I would operate in Braille if my fingers weren't frozen.

Charles

As it should be.

Charles

Well, what do you expect with very little talent and only five minutes' preparation?

Charles

Bring anything you want. Bring your goat. It doesn't matter to me because I shan't be there. I'm turning myself into the Chinese.

Charles

Klinger, unless my pants are on fire you are a dead man.

Charles

I've talked to everyone in the camp - which, by the way, is a first for me - and no one saw or heard a thing. A fact confirmed by our ever-vigilant sentries and their seeing-eye dogs.

Winchester

Pierce, that is a childish, totally immature and petulant suggestion.....When do we nail the swine?

Charles

(answering letter): "Dear Virginia, It is with indescribable joy that I accept your gift. It is indeed testimony to the beauty that exists in all creation, but perhaps nowhere more than in a young girl's heart."

Charles

My good man, I have better things to do than stand around listening to someone make no sense in two languages.

Charles

(after a Korean foster father confesses to selling Charles' gifts on the black market to buy food for his children) No, it is I who should apologize. It is sadly inappropriate to give dessert to a child who has had no meal.

Charles

Oh yes. In the springtime a young dolt's fancy turns to baseball where one can sit and munch red hots and crackerjacks and watch eighteen hillbillies in knickers run around in circles and spit tobacco chaws on one another.

Charles

Arsenic will solve your problems, Pierce. I know it will solve mine.

Charles

No offense, Miss Carlyle, but I've always been of the opinion that squeezing is a technique best suited to making orange juice, not music.